In an unbelievable event, a part of brain of India's Home Minister automatically disappeared from his brain, said US Doctor who treated him on Tuesday.

"Yea, I know Mr. Sushil Kumar Shinde who came to me for Cataract operation on Tuesday. When I started diagnosing his left eye by inserting injection in it, his brain on right side immediately evanesced. It was amazing, unimaginable and miraculous. Within a fraction of second his brain disappeared, leaving empty skull in it. We stopped making diagnosis of his eye, fearing that left side brain will also vanish," said renowned eye specialist Dr Neil M Bressler of Johns Hopkins Hospital

Sushil Kumar Shinde who was announced as eloped for US visit amidst a painful attack by Maoists in the last week. However, Shinde confirmed that he was not absconded and it was just a small visit to famous eye specialist in USA.

Bressler said "Without taking any more time, we declare Shinde as Zombie and asked his colleagues to keep him with us. However, they were in a hurry to take him with themselves due to some kind of urgency. Therefore, finally we decided to take his other part of brain for study purpose and let him go."

Bressler warned that Shinde is currently a Zombie and became a man eater.

"Now he is a pure Zombie and eats onlyt human flesh and drinks human blood, so keep watchful and avoid any direct contact with him," said Bressler.  

In a major shock to country, Delhi Police sources revealed that Rajya Sabha election Assam is fixed and Prime Minister Manmohan Singh is already a winner before even announcement of the results.

"We are sensing some spot-fixing between ruling and opposition parties," said a Constable in Delhi Police, requesting his identity to be undisclosed.

He said "Our sources told us that Manmohan Singh will be clear winner in this contest. They also told us that the Congress Party has fixed with opposition parties such as Assam Gana Parishad and BJP and before voting itself BJP and AGP decided to not to opt for elections."

The constable continued that the entire contest has been fixed and the resemblance is largely to IPL Spot-Fixing case. The constable also confirmed that according to some bookies, Manmohan is getting exorbitantly high premium and the guy fielded against is getting none.

"Our sources have given us an idea that who the fixers are involved in this case. Our chief Neeraj Kumar will announce everything in the press conference to be held today evening. He will also disclose the links of Manmohan Singh to ongoing IPL spot fixing saga," said the constable.

Pappu Pandey who is waiting for his 10^th class results said he is ready to go to college, be it from any side viz., commerce, arts, science or medical and engineering.

"I have gradually started feeling about my puberty over last few years and now I am ready to apply it in the college," said Pappu.

According to Pappu many others also want to join colleges just to have great time pass, girlfriends, parties and picnics.

"I am excited for my romance in college. Recently, I have also started drinking so that it doesn't look like I am novice to this area. I also asked Pappa to give me a bike so that I can take my girlfriends for a ride," said Pappu.

Pappu also bought deodorants and new sexy clothes to impress girls. He is also planning to buy ear rings to look like a sturdy dude.

Pappu's father confirmed that Pappu wants to go to college for higher studies.

"Yea I am planning to buy a bike for him so that he can reach college early for studies. Tomorrow, Pappu will become great Engineer and will go to America. We will also accompany him. I am sure I don't want to stay here," said Pappu's father and mother. However, prima facie it seems that they were not aware of Pappu's plans.

Calling God 'REGRESSIVE FOR WOMEN', Mallika Sherawat said that she feels depressing when she looks at strange body structure of women.

"God is so depressing and irritating that I really can't make any statement. He made such a stupid body structure for women that if you remove some parts here and there women would look like men only. Whenever I revisit my body in the full mirror I really feel depressing. What is this? Why boobs are on the front side of body and bumps (buttocks) are on back side of body? What does this means? Any creative person who has at least some sense of beauty would have placed it in other way," said Mallika Sherawat in a TV Interview in Los Angeles.

She recently condemned India for regressive about women and also said that she was the first to introduce kiss in India. She also said that whenever she lives in America she enjoys social freedom but when she comes to India she feels depressing.

Talking more about women body and God's ridiculous imaginary vision, she said "But now enough is enough. I am going bring the wave of change as I brought it to India. I am going to restructure my body. I will be first to introduce it to world and expose this hypocritical God the idea of beauty. I am going to put my bumps on front side of my body from its current place on the back side."

Difficult to digest crappy buyout Ranbaxy Laboratories in 2008, Daiichi Sankyo promoters consumed record number of 'Revital' capsules to lift the energy of its management. Revital is Ranbaxy's energy boosting capsules and even consumed by Bollywood star Salman Khan.

"We can't believe that we have been fooled by those two Sardars," said Takashi Shoda, Chairman of the second largest pharma company of Japan.

In a candid interview to the India Satire correspondent, he said "Both those Singhs have sold us out garbage after taking all the energy out of it. Now how can we sell the crap, which even Indian doctors are not buying? Energy levels are at lowest levels among our management. Just last month coincidently we saw advertise of Salman Khan saying 'Jeeyo Ji bhar ke' and decided to self consume Revital."

Analysts expect that the development would boost the revenue of Ranbaxy in Q1FY14 and possibly it will make record revenues.

"I am strong buy on Ranbaxy Laboratories. I believe that some specific ingredients in Revital boost energy of some part of the body. I think Japanese consumption of the drug at high levels make the stock look attractive at current levels," SP Tulsian, stock analyst of sptulsian.com said.

Tulsian said "In disclosure, I don't consume Revital. Neither do 30+. I only eat Baba Ramdev's Chyawanprash."

Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) expelled its one of the most senior party leaders, Ram Jethmalani for six years for alleged "breach of discipline". The India Satire brings to you the rise and fall of Jethmalani.

Career Graph of Ram Jethmalani

Sept 14, 1923: Whole world lightened, God dropped flowers across the earth, fire crackers everywhere, as Ram Jethmalani born to be lawyer and politician

1941: Fulfilled the formality of taking lawyer's degree otherwise he was born lawyer

1942: Lost first case, accused hanged till death

1945: Lost fifth consecutive case, accused hanged till death

1947: Married two women, Ratna and Durga: first before independence and second after independence

1948: Honoured by Government of India for the most courageous person in India for marrying 2 women in same year

1955: Lost 17^th consecutive case, the accused hanged till death

1965: Kicked on the ass of Mahesh for demanding lollypop

1971: Lost 37^th consecutive case, this time the accused got life imprisonment, frustrated and depressed plans joining politics and change law

1971: Joined politics

1977: Human rights award for letting them demand for vanishing death penalties from India

1979: Lost 107^th consecutive case, the accused received death penalty, he recently died naturally in Tihar jail

1985: Lost the second round of elections to Sunil Dutt; Lost 157^th consecutive case the smuggler was hanged till death

1987: Lost 167^th case, smuggler received death penalty, fled away for Dubai

1988: Ram became a member of the Rajya Sabha.

1992: Blamed God publicly for devilish behavior with him for giving two wives. On account of torture, he recorded slow movement of brain and loose functioning of ears

1996: Appointed as Law Minister by Vajpayee Govt. Changed the law to at least see one win in his life

1998: Jethmalani was the Union Minister of Urban Affairs and Employment for a temporary retirement from law profession

1999: Hopes never die, again joins as Minister for Law for a short period.

2005: Lost 278^th case, accused received death penalty

2010: Decided to continue career in both the fields for next 50 years, after appointed as the President of the Supreme Court Bar Association

2012: Demanded resignation of Nitin Gadkari, after hurting in a party where Gadkari alone finished all Gulaab Jamuns

Now Mallika Sherawat would not require spending her quality time in Los Angeles just for getting kissed. Now she can easily get those mouthful kisses and smooches here in India. A non-hypocrite Indian, Pappu Pandey is ready to give her kisses on and off screen every day.

"It was heartwarming interview. I felt so sad about her. Just for the sake of kiss she has to stay in Los Angeles. WTF, shame on Indian hypocrisy. I can't tolerate this and therefore I have decided to give her at least a kiss or whatever she demands on daily basis. Why should she stay in Los Angeles yaar, just for a fucking paltry kiss? I don't want her to be homeless and wasting quality time there. I don't mind kissing her in India. If sometimes she wants to go to LA never mind, I will accompany her," said Pappu Pandey with a lot of eagerness.

In a recent interview, Mallika said "India is such a hypocritical society where women are really at the bottom of society compared to men..."

She also said, "I was the first actress in India to kiss onscreen and wear a bikini. Imagine this in the 21st century. And instantly, I became a fallen women and a superstar at the same time. There is a moral code that this is what a leading lady can do. I did everything I was not supposed to do. I made a conscious decision to divide my time between LA and India."

While many in India raised objections on Mallika's statements, Pappu Pandey claimed that those are hypocrites and he is ready to give all social liberty to Mallika. The liberty includes from kissing on screen and off screen to taking off clothes that lures her to stay in Los Angeles.

Apart from Pappu, nobody else has claimed that he will give Mallika such wonderful social freedom. India Satire is yet to receive any reaction from Mallika Sherawat.

Finally to take revenge of attack on Indian democracy, Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi took AK-56 in his hands. After watching him gun in his hand, Congress Party workers shouted unanimously "Rahul Baba in Vengeance, Rahul Baba ki Jai. Maoism is now vanished fully. Democracy ki Jai."

"Boss! I can't tolerate indiscipline in India. It is not an attack on Congress. It is an attack on democracy. Now I am going to teach them a lesson. I will shoot each and every Mao, dhadhad dhadhad dhadhad dharrraaakkkk trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…," Rahul Gandhi voiced in similar fashion as like machine gun do.

Addressing to Congress leaders said "I will not tolerate anybody. I will hit everybody. Dhishum dhishum (punches). Mummy is soft with all Maoists but I am not. I am just like her." Rahul Gandhi moved his finger towards Mamata Banerjee's photo.

Gandhi also carried few hand grenades with him just to show Maoists how it sounds when the noise come 'dhoom dhoom'.

"He is well equipped to destroy all the camps of Maoists. He will first visit them and ask for sabzi roti. If still they refuse with indiscipline, he would take the revenge with his gun," said the event planner Digvijay Singh.

Recalling the Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi's statement that 99 per cent of the terror attacks had been stopped in the country, thanks to various measures, including improved intelligence, India today said hard biting truth.

"99 per cent of the Naxal and Maoist attacks had been stopped in the country over politicians, thanks to various measures taken by the UPA Government," said India.

India said that she was convinced about her security and peaceful life after Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi in July 2011, addressing a press conference at Bhubaneswar, a day after serial bombings in Mumbai killed at least 17 people and injured more than 130, called for efforts to stop terrorist attacks in the country.

"It is very difficult to stop any single terrorist attack," Rahul said that time, adding that 99 percent of the attacks have been stopped. "We must stop 100 percent attack."

Rahul also convinced India that time by saying "We are responding to it in a quite organised fashion."

India recalled all those events at the time after Rahul considered on the deadly Maoist attack on his party leaders in Chhattisgarh as an attack on democracy itself.

"It is not an attack on Congress. It is an attack on democracy. But, we'll not fear from such an attack and continue to move forward with enthusiasm," Gandhi told reporters at the Raipur Congress Bhawan soon after his arrival at about 2am.

However, India congratulated Rahul and said "It is very difficult to stop any single naxal and maoist attack. But 99 percent of the attacks have been stopped. We must stop 100 percent attack."

She also said "We know the UPA Government will respond to it in a quite organised fashion, as usual."

Vindoo Dara Singh said that CSK's Mahendra Singh Dhoni along with Harbhajan Singh, Rohit Sharma, Gautum Gambhir and Shikhar Dhawan are involved in match fixing. They sold off for 5 rupees each to a popular fixer Saif Ali Khan. This is considered as most shocking revelation in IPL spot fixing saga.

"Yes Vindoo revealed their names and we issued arrest warrants for all these notorious people," told Mumbai Joint Commissioner of Police (Crime) Himanshu Roy in a packed press conference.

Roy said "All these cricketers sold their souls for 5 rupees each to a ridiculous brand, Lays which is not just unhealthy but also bad in taste. The company which manufactures Lays also is a big cheater. In the packet of Lays, there is 3/4th air and only 1/4th of chips."

Roy confirmed that the bookie involved in fixing this ridiculous ad in which Bhajji and Dhoni makes irritating appearances was Saif Ali Khan and he was arrested after Vindoo confirmed that the ad was actually fixed by him only.

Roy said "I don't understand how these guys can sell them for 5 rupees while according to our sources the amount they have taken is more than 5 lakh rupees each. We are sure that today's worst performance of CSK is also related to this ad. We are waiting for Court orders and as soon as we get those we will immediately arrest them."

Finally wait is over. Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) led by Arvind Kejriwal announced a list of most eligible candidates for Delhi elections, which include Manish Sisodia.

"They all are equipped with fast and satyagraha," said Arvind Kejriwal.

He said "I chose only those candidates which can fast for continuous two days."

AAP in its election manifesto committed that it will continue its satyagraha and whenever any of its minister involves in scam another will fast.

8.00 am Sources in jail said that Sreesanth told Delhi Police in advance that Mumbai Indians would win match against Rajasthan. However, they rejected divulging details about final and said that they already know who would win.

8.30 am One Constable of Delhi Police said that he won some 5000 rupees after betting on Bhajji's performance

9.00 am Sreesanth threw plate of masala dosa and sambhar, claiming that the test of epic South Indian food sucks

9.05 am Jail authorities claimed that the masala dosa was prepared by  Ramvilas Pande's Udupi Restaurant

9.30 am Sreesanth decided to request Court for South Indian food directly from Kerala and Tamil Nadu

9.35 am Gurunath Meiyappan started a day with big yawn. Complained about quality of Air Conditioner

9.55 am Jail Authorities said that he complained that AC doesn't have temperature control

10.05 am Srinivasan's call to Gurunath

10.20 am Sources said Srinivasan asked jail authorities to dump idli in Gurunath's mouth after every five minutes to keep his mouth shut

10.35 am Sources said that Gurunath received money for CSK v/s MI final in advance. He had dump it to one of the cement godowns in Kochi

11.00 am In a face to face meet, Vindoo Dara Singh and Gurunath kissed and hugged each other.

11.30 am For almost half an hour both were chit chatting and totally ignored Mumbai Police

11.45 am Finally to get them to consciousness and asking for cooperation, Police threatened them to show Ishkq in Paris.

12.00 pm Both begged in front of Police and told them that they would cooperate fully but not to show that movie

12.05 pm Mamata Banerjee requested N Srinivasan to change CSK's name to KKR. In return she would bail out CSK from current crisis as like Saradha chit fund.

12.30 pm Gurunath made a major revelation in the IPL spot fixing, said Vindoo Dara Singh is also involved. Bollywood collapsed with Vindoo's name.

After huge uproars from the Opposition parties, the UPA Government decided to consider IPL match-fixing as national issue, in line with murder, rapes, drought and earthquakes. However, nation is not satisfied with the Government's promises and asked guilty in spot-fixing to get death penalty.

"They murdered our beliefs; they need to get death penalty. No chance they should survive," said Pappu Pandey who lost huge money on Kolkata Knight Riders, after his office colleague won the bet against him. Pandey was bullish over KKR since the beginning of the IPL.

"WTF! I know Gambhir must have received hundreds of crores rupees from fixers for losing the matches," said Pandey. Pappu said only death penalty to all these fixers would satisfy him.

Asking the execution of all those who found guilty, many protesters gathered on Delhi streets demanding serious action from the Government. The protesters decided to rally to President, Sonia Gandhi and Manmohan Singh's house.

"We will take stricter action against all those who found guilty. I have specifically asked Delhi Police to focus on the case and forget all other crimes such as rape, murder or terrorism," said Law Minister Kapil Sibal, addressing the protesters.

However, it couldn't satisfy protesters who demanded stricter action.

"I assure you that we will make all the provisions like death penalties or life imprisonment for those who found guilty. I can understand your pain, even I lost more than 10 crore on wrong team," said Sibal.

He also said that today only he met Rajeev Shukla and Arun Jaitley and told them that he had given spot-fixing as national issue status and it would consider in line with drought and earthquake.

"I assured them that I will leave all the work aside and will focus on IPL only," said Sibal.

In a major relief to the tumbling UPA Government, Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi decided to learn from his mistakes. He also said that he will never act like stupid dumb boy any more.

Addressing UPA ministers and leaders, Rahul said "This is now over. I am done with my stupidity and now I will follow the path of intelligence and sensibility. I am going to learn from my past mistakes and will never repeat those. I don't want to remain that stupid, idiot and dumb little boy. At this historical event, mark my words that today onwards I WILL not that shameless fool which is still considered as a brainless Amul Baby."

Rahul was talking on the auspicious evening of completing 9 years for the UPA government.

He said "People think that 'Gadhe ko gud hajm nahi hota'. I will prove them wrong by showing them I am not a gadha and will demonstrate best of sensibilities and wisdom just like my Daddy and Grand mummy showed in the past and what my mummy is showing now. You guys now onwards have a responsibility of correcting me whenever I am wrong. Please guys tell me my mistakes so that I will learn from them and would never make them in future.  If you feel like my Kurta is a bit short tell me, if you feel my beard is a bit long then tell me, even if you feel that I was just overboard in committing farmers and poor then you can come and tell me I will correct on the spot and will commit that I will never do such thing again."

Romanian TV actress Iulia Vantur started practicing of turning into punching before marrying to Bollywood actor Salman Khan. That was the first condition Salman put in front of Iulia for marriage. Though, Salman's father Salim Khan denied any development about Salman's marriage, sources fr0m Romania suggests that Iulia is visiting Boxing Academy on daily basis.

"Yes that is the main criteria if you want to marry Salman Bhai. He is fond of punching real person so it may be man or woman. We have already told Iulia to get ready and practice of becoming great punching bag in front of any well known Romanian boxer," said Salman's brother Arbaaz Khan.

Iulia told our Romania reporter that she was working hard and practicing 100 punches daily on her face from a famous Romanian boxer.

"That is a smart increase from 80 to 100 in a week," said Iulia "That too without any helmet or mask."

Apart from getting hit on face with solid punches, Iulia has to practice how the punches should not be revealing to India audience.

"By hitting hard on her face I am also converting it into a stone so that scratches or marks would not be reflected," said Iulia's boxer Constantin Bejenaru.

Another brother of Salman, Sohail Khan said "Bhai has habit to hit on our faces since his childhood. We were like his punching bags for him. Look at our faces, they look like fried pakodas just because his solid punches," Sohail showed his and Arbaaz's face and continued "That what he wants from his new bride. Now whether she makes it or not depends on her learning skills."

Nation sent its demand for more and more fire crackers and scam revelations to new Comptroller and Auditor General of India (CAG) Shashi Kant Sharma to continue momentum developed by Vinod Rai during last 4 years. It asks that Sharma should not slow down ministers bashing till his term ends.

"What a roller coaster ride was that when Vinod Rai was heading CAG," said Pappu, the common man of India.

He said "It was full of fun and entertainment. Every day I am used to reading time pass news about some minister involved in some scam. Wow! I had never heard such big amounts of lakh crores etc. Feels like India is developing and becoming global power. Also bashing ministers on their asses was another fun. Full of time pass. Earlier, I was a bit disappointed to see that Vinod Rai was leaving CAG and thought the momentum would slow down. But I am highly optimist and believe that new CAG Chief would bash more ministers to prove his mettle."

Pappu still recalls how nation was overwhelmed after reading the multi lakh crore scams such as Coal blocks allocation, 2G spectrum allocation, some small scams like CWG and some cheap scamsters like Salman Khurshid involved in chindhi Rs70lakh fraud.

Ex-Chief Justice of India and Chairman of Press Council of India (PCI), Markandey Katju has appealed Indian populace to maintain peace and silence after a shocking arrest of Vindoo Dara Singh under IPL Spot Fixing saga.

"I know this is a biggest shock to Indians in this millennium. Even I couldn't dream of arresting Vindoo, an innocent son to me. Such a great kid, everybody in India loves him. But I appeal the nation to stay calm and patient and please don't burn government and private property for Vindu's arrest," said Katju.

Vindoo Dara Singh, son of great actor Lt. Dara Singh was held for alleged role in the IPL match fixing. According to source, because of Vindoo's arrest Bollywood was stunned and many pundits expect that its more than a trillion dollar shock to the film industry.

Katju said "I know it is now the make and break situation for Bollywood industry. I know Bollywood will suffer from big losses and possibly it would close down for life. But I appeal to all small and big actors like Khans, Kapoors, Kumars and others to come together and save Bollywood from this hard hitting truth."

Katju asked nation to maintain fortitude in this difficult time, he would seek pardon with higher authorities for Vindoo.

 

Rapes in NCR saw a substantial drop since the match fixing in IPL discovered, confirmed Delhi Police Commissioner. Neeraj Kumar confirmed that no rape has been recorded in his eye sight since IPL match fixing.

"I think there may not be any rape case in the NCR since we found main culprits in the match fixing. At least I haven't read anything like rape in any news paper these days," said Delhi Police Commissioner Neeraj Kumar.

Kumar said "Delhi Police is currently 100% devoted these days on finding out the anti-social elements which fix IPL matches. They have little time to solve low profile rape cases. However, with no news in the news paper about rape cases we think all the rapes have stopped in Delhi."

Kumar also confirmed that it is more challenging and smart work to solve any match fixing case than plain vanilla rape cases.

"There are so many links in match fixing but in rape cases only two people are involved, victim and accused. Therefore, mind juggling and brain storming is possible," said Neeraj Kumar

Simple structure of rape

 

Complicated structure of IPL match fixing

 

A source in Times of India confirmed that thanks to IPL match fixing, there is little space for covering rapes.

Controversial Cricketer S Sreesanth expressed his disappointment for postponing the decision of his marriage with a daughter of powerful mother-in-law. He said that he had been deferring his marriage for several years despite being insistence of his parents.

"Dude, I was a bit stupid for postponing my marriage.  If today I had a credible mother-in-law, I would have been enjoying thousands of crores of rupees from IPL match fixing in 2-3 years along with clean chit from state authorities," said Sreesanth to Delhi Police Commissioner Neeraj Kumar.

During the session of interrogation with Delhi Police, Sreesanth gave names of few like Robert Vadra which are enjoying the fruits of being son-in-law of powerful person in India.

Sreesanth told Police Commissioner "Only 2 years back Vadra had told me in a party 'do only one best thing in life and other best things will follow'. Now I realize what he wanted to talk about. Despite being offers from so many Tamil and Kerala Politicians I kept the issue pending and now I am in Police custody."

Talking to reporters, Neeraj Kumar said "Our eyes were wet while listening to him."

Considering the rising popularity of spicy and tasteful dubbed- South Indian films among Hindi audience, a Tamil producer decided to produce movie which considers understanding of Hindi audience.

"I am producing a film in which truck driver will be South Indian Punjabi. Banner on his truck will be Punjab Transport to give feel friendly feel to North Indians. I will put all the banners in the movie in Hindi language, which will give a comfort factor to Hindi audience whenever the picture is dubbed and release on mainstream Hindi movie channels," said Producer K Rajapillai, experience in producing B-grade South Indian movies which are generally dubbed and release on channels like Zee Cinema, Star Gold and Set Max.

Currently, dubbed South Indian movies occupy major place on the mainstream Hindi movie channels and getting popular each and every day. Interestingly, most of the Tamil movies are now dubbed in Hindi language. However, Hindi viewers complained that banners and logos in South Indian languages make it difficult for them to understand the real crux of the movie.

Rajapillai said "We don't want to suck audience's brain. I have taken special permission from DMK Supremo M Karunanidhi and AIADMK Chief Jayalalitha about showing banners in Hindi. This time I am going to show a South Indian Punjabi's love story with South India Punjaban with full of action and South Indian style comedy."

Indian Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh postponed the urgent requirement to go to toilet for important meeting with Chinese Premier Li Keqiang. PMO claimed that postponing the important natural work is in line with India's strategic decision to defer Indo-China dispute for indefinite time.

"Going toilet was not that important than building long-term relationship with China. Toilet can wait. I didn't want Li to be felt humiliated," said India's PM Manmohan Singh, justifying his decision on postponing his unavoidable 'potty'.

Sources said that apart from few close acquaintances in the PMO, nobody was aware of Singh's decision to skip toilet. Everybody knew the intensity of the situation and significance of Indo-China relations.

"We didn't want to spill the beans and make Li uncomfortable and waiting. China is on fast growth trajectory and it can't wait for us. We knew that the India's top man Dr. Singh has enormous patience and perseverance. He also never let us down, kept his face calm and smiling, listen every words of Chinese Premier still kept his uneasiness with himself, not allowed to disclose anything on his face. The man of real toughness," said a source in PMO's division which helps prime minister taking diplomatic decisions.

The source confirmed that currently to not to spoil relations, PM also decided to postpone talks on India China border deals and Chinese incursion last month.

"Border matter will resolve automatically with law of nature. No need to worry about that," said Manmohan Singh. He also said "For broader national interest, I can avoid 'potty' for 1000 more times."

Pope Francis is himself going to honour Ranbir Kapoor with highest Saint Gobain Peace and Humility Award for his revering contribution to humility, humbleness, soft spoken approach and kind attitude. The never been rude and selfless Saint like Ranbir Kapoor thanked God and Pope for thinking him that he deserves such a height to be honoured with the Award. After the honour, Ranbir Kapoor will be recognised as Saint Ranbir Kapoor for entire his life.

"We selected Ranbir for his gallant attitude. We went through speeches and quotes of various personalities last one year, scrupulously and selected Ranbir's name for the honour," said a judge at the Vatican City.

Ranbir Kapoor is popular in showing meekness and humbleness towards his co-workers and entire world. His popular quotes in last one year, include "I am nothing, just an insect" "Every other thing is much significant than me" and currently most popular one "I got the opportunities and my stardom is part of my characters. I don't have a personality like Salman Khan or Shah Rukh Khan that I can be myself and be successful."

Pope Francis confirmed that he was just like Ranbir Kapoor in his young age. He said that Ranbir is almost giving same self-effacing facial expressions with dumb looks as like Pope was giving. Pope also confirmed that he was the similar kind of passionate performer-sans-actor-sans-Saint.

"When I saw him first time on the TV ad, I called my cook from kitchen. I asked her look at this guy do you feel some similarity with me? She said yea he is exactly like you are. Looks very humble and sexy," said Pope Francis.

Pope continued "Watching one of his quotes, she said he was exactly same kind of actor as like you were in your young age, everybody used to believe that you were talking true not acting as a humble cow."

He said "I was astonished and immediately decided to meet him. However, due to heavy responsibility of Papal on my shoulder my assistants told me not right time to meet him. Now with the God's grace I am going to meet him. I will bless him fun with many many good looking girls in his young age like I was having and become a true Pope in the old age."

Pope also talked briefly on Ranbir's quotes, he said "I heard all his quotes. They only show that he is the only person who can carry the candle of peace. That is what Christianity told us and what I am also telling you guys. I am servant and you have to serve this servant who is servant of God."

Ranbir Kapoor reacted positively to the honour he received from the Vatican City itself.

He said "I am just below a Cockroach. I never thought myself so big like any common man. I am really surprised with the honour that I am getting. I promise that I will continue to spend entire life degrading myself and showing high regards to others."

Note- Saint Gobain is the name of World's leading Glass manufacturer and this is not the promotional campaign of that company. So don't confuse it with Saint Gobain Glass Company, focus on the name Saint and not Gobain.

Arthur Road Jail based mosquitoes immensely disappointed, after they came to know that Sanjay Dutt was carrying mosquito repellent with himself for next 1 month.

"We were totally disappointed and couldn't sleep for last night just because he came with a mosquito repellent," said a Mosquito from Sanjay Dutt's jail.

Initially, Sanjay Dutt was worried about hygiene and poor conditions of jail. He also told to a Mumbai based tabloid that he would never survive without fans, pillows and mosquito repellents.

But in a major relief for the actor, the court granted him access to home-cooked food, mattress and pillows for a month. However, the mosquito repellent that Sanjay Dutt carried with himself created nightmares for jail based mosquitoes.

"We thought we would get a good bulky flesh to eat for a while. Earlier, we were a bit let down that he was trying for Yerawada Jail. We were badly jealous with Pune's mosquitoes. Still we were convinced with the fact that we will have biryani for at least next few days. But court just threw water on our burning intentions," said a senior mosquito from the cell. He also told that mosquitoes bought all kind of spices required to prepare best of kinds of biryani.

According to sources, few mosquitoes complained jailor about dramatic rise in pollution levels during the night that created suffocation among the mosquitoes. The sources said that Sanjay Dutt used Kachwa Chaap machchar agarbatti in the night.

"Jailor assured us that he would make some arrangement that will help us eat his flesh, suck the blood and still wouldn't adversely impacted by that repellent," said one of the mosquitoes.

Considering the rising acceptability and positive impact on TRP ratings, BCCI finally decided it to make match fixing and betting official. The board also decided to issue more and more licenses at reasonable prices so that heavy competition would improve the levels of the game.

"This is a positive development for Indian Cricket and certainly improve standards of the game," said Sanjay Jagdale, Secretary of the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI).

He said "Sreesanth saga opened our eyes and we found new opportunities to increase the revenue of the board. In future, Sreesanth will not make hidden calls. He would get money officially" The board planned to invite bidders (official fixers) ahead of the next IPL.

"This will take the competition to new high. Players would not require making weird gestures and also official fixing would give best and fair results to the Cricket audience," said President of the BCCI, N Srinivasan.

Talking about how the official fixing will work, he said "Take an example of match between KKR and CSK. Both the teams have been paid for losing the game. Both of them would actually play their level best to lose the game. They would bowl worse and bat worse. Ultimately beneficiary will be Cricket and Cricket audience."

The board is said to have appointed Lalit Modi, founder and architect of the IPL to understand and frame the nitty gritties of the match fixing idea. The final report is expected to come in next 6 months.

Bookies and match fixers are still suspicious about the decision and waiting for final formulation of policy.

"This is a difficult job to push for such an official policy. We require highest levels of integrity and loyalty of players and teams to make this plan successful. Before reading the final draft, we really can't comment on the idea," said a Bookie from Mumbai.