Sir Isaac Newton talks on Dawood Ibrahim

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Sunday, 6 January 2013 | Posted in ,

Special Guest Column
It is very difficult to describe Dawood Ibrahim. I have never seen the complicated creature like he in this world. He is the only living creature that is to an exception to my all theories of gravitational power.
Thanks to India Satire, it now almost 287 years that I am not in news and not I wrote a single article. I saw many people writing some stupid things on me and my research. However, no credible platform actually asked me to write my opinion.
Almost for last 300 years, I am a mute spectator in this world and I think I experienced many things in these years. However, no body except the India Satire contacted me to give a fair opinion and judgement.
My experience in research field is treated as a fuckingly great and perfectly best in the world. But this nasty and stinky creature called Dawood makes its smelling shitty. He is the only exception that I found since I invented the law of gravitation. Nothing bloody, nothing even not Osama tore apart my theory but this stupid Dawood. He is stinky and murkier than the Hobbit's Golum, idiot fella.
The thing that he irritates me is the way he really broke all my research work of famous Law of Universal Gravitation. I think I consider this is the best invention that I have done so far and for that many considers me greatest and most influential scientist who ever lived. Unfortunately and most sadly, I want to say that Dawood Ibrahim, yes Dawood Ibrahim of Pakistan is only exception to that law. My law states that every point mass in the universe attracts every other point mass with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. However, Dawood who jumped from India is still to return to India again. How so unfortunate! The misery doesn't stop here. The creatures which attached to him with his magnetic force like Javed Miandad are attracted towards India which is of no use to my theory. Sucks a lot!
While I felt it was difficult to justify the law of gravitation really works when Osama bin Laden was hiding in Pakistan, he attracted great force of America and got the reaction for his action. However, what I am seeing with Javed is he is getting better and better reactions from India as well as Pakistan. This makes another case that India is also against my law of universal gravitation. Now last resort to save my theory is to take Dawood in a Helicopter and push him out without any parachute and check whether he comes down with the gravitational power of land or goes higher to another planet with his own power.
(Sir Isaac Newton is an English physicist, mathematician, astronomer, natural philosopher, alchemist and theologian, who has been considered by many to be the greatest and most influential scientist who ever lived.)

Javed Miandad to break relations with Dawood just to enter in India

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , , ,

Pakistan's cricketer and former captain Javed Miandad will break all his relations with Mumbai bomb blast accused Dawood Ibrahim to help successfully conduct India-Pakistan 'Aman ki Asha' campaign.
"I have instructed my son, Junaid to divorce his wife Mahrukh immediately on the spot by saying 'Talakh' thrice. I don't want to let the campaign of 'Aman Ki Asha' failed. I also want to visit India to spread the message of peace," said Javed Miandad in a private television channel interview.
Talking with CNN-IBN Chief Editor Rajdeep Sardesai, Javed Miandad said "I want to come to India. I also want to visit Ajmer to kiss the noble Dargah. After that I will tell Junaid to marry Mahrukh again. This he can do any time again and again whenever I want to visit India," said Javed Miandad.
The Ministry of Home Affairs (MHA) granted visa to Javed Miandad, who shares close family ties with the India's most wanted gangster-turned-terrorist Dawood Ibrahim. Javed's son Junaid is married to Dawood's daughter Mahrukh. But, after huge chaos by opposition parties, such as BJP and Shiv Sena, Miandad avoided to arrive in India. However, inside his heart Miandad identified that he was wrong in making ties with Dawood Ibrahim.
"Inside my heart I felt I was guilty by asking my son to marry Dawood's daughter. But it's not late today as well. I immediately called Junaid asked him to say talaakh, talaakh and talaakh on the spot. He obeyed my orders and now I am free and have no relations with Dawood," said Javed Miandad.
Javed Miandad confirmed that terrorism is the biggest enemy of the world and it is sourced from Pakistan. He said that he was the enemy of terror attacks as much as India.
He said "I will do one thing. I will take a machine gun in my hands and will stay on the border of India and Pakistan. Whenever any terrorist or Pakistani army man will try to enter in India's border I will straight away shoot him. That way I will contribute to the campaign of Aman ki Asha."

Congress leader Digvijay Singh rewarded a big ass hole to RSS Chief Mohan Bhagwat

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in , , , ,

Veteran Congress leader Digvijay Singh gifted a big ass hole to RSS Chief Mohan Bhagwat which he was holding for last one decade.
"I feel proud to give him ass hole that I was holding for last one decade. After making the same type of statement again he really proved that he is best successor of mine," said Digvijay Singh who is happy for finding his successor to carry out a rod with ass in the hole.
He said "Most important thing is that my successor to carry this ass hole is from RSS. I am extremely happy for that. This is the progressive path that I followed and now RSS Chief is on that trajectory. I wish all the best to Mohanji in making of another Diggy that is bashed by any street side dog. All the best Mohanji."
Digvijay Singh gifted a big rod with a hole symbolizing a rod in the ass hole to Mohan Bhagwat. The ass hole is the status symbol for many political leaders who get serious bash on their comments and statements.
Mohan Bhagwat said "I thank you Diggyji for selecting me as his successor though I am quite senior to him. Everybody knows that RSS Chief is like Prime Minister of RSS. However, I am pleased that this ass hole rod is now with me. After carrying this rod I promise Diggyji that I would make all the stupid and idiotic statements on daily basis and never let him down or his belief in me as choosing me his successor."

A man is searching for Mahatma Gandhi's quotes on killing mosquito

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Saturday, 5 January 2013 | Posted in , , ,

Mahatma Gandhi's ardent follower Rajat Sharma found searching on the internet Gandhiji's quotes on killing mosquitoes is non violent act.
"I am searching on the internet whether Gandhiji wrote or said something on mosquitoes. I am his ardent follower and can't slap a mosquito without his permission," said Rajat Sharma who is working for a reputed TV Channel.
Rajat Sharma is facing a severe irritation and annoyance caused by a mosquito which is consistently sits on his face and bites him badly.
"I face a lot of pain. But just it would be a violent act I avoid myself to take any kind of revenge. Otherwise I believe I must have that much power to kill one mosquito," said Rajat Sharma.
Rajat Sharma's doctor Vishnu Venugopal said "That is because Rajat applies huge amount of coconut oil and mosquitoes come on his face out of the sheer light reflection. The oil is so much on his head to keep it black and shining that mosquito arrives in closed studio. Rajat has also ordered his staff not to kill the mosquito as he believes in non violence."
Venugopal said "It is because Rajat's promise to Gandhiwad he is not able to slap that mosquito hard and kill it once and for all."
Rajat Sharma's successful adoption of Gandhiwad, who even doesn't allow himself killing mosquitoes raised serious debates on the news channels whether he should adopt everything that Gandhiji said or partially. Many News Channels also questioned Congress Party leaders where they stand today. Are they standing on the same foundations of non violence that led by Gandhiji's principles or they kill mosquitoes?
Coal Minister, Beni Prasad Verma said "Till the time I was with Samajwadi Party I used to kill 40-50 mosquitoes daily. However, since I joined Congress Party I never ever killed a mosquito despite its sting hurts a lot. That is the reason why I told Afzal Guru should not be hanged."
Few more Congress leaders also confirmed that they don't kill mosquitoes just because they follow non-violence.
"I think we should be friendly with mosquitoes. If we make them friends they wouldn’t hurt us. Look at Pakistan we made it friend so it wouldn’t send terrorists to our country again and again," said Senior Congress leader Digvijay Singh.
Digvijay Singh confirmed that he never killed any mosquito till date, since his birth.
"Since I borne, I was Congress leader. There was no doubt about that. Therefore, even my blood has the foundation of non-violence. I feel it is like mosquito is kissing me rather than biting," said Digvijay Singh.
BJP leaders, however, denied that they never slapped any mosquito.
"No I usually do that. Since right now my position is not good I would not make any comment," said BJP President Nitin Gadkari.
The topic was discussed in the mainstream media whether do we found an ardent follower of Gandhiji like Rajat Sharma on the earth.
"I think Rajat should put a helmet on his head which also covers face and then take interviews," said Rajdeep Sardesai CNN IBN Chief Editor.
He said "I think people should follow Rajat's footsteps so that we may see a great revolution in our country."
Rajdeep also questioned authenticity of present Congress Party which always use to preach that it is the only party in the world that follows Gandhiji's principles.
Rajdeep questions "Are Congress leaders still follow all principles of Mahatma Gandhi? Do they stop themselves from killing innocent mosquito? I want to ask them a question if a common man and chillar Hindi News Channel Editor like Rajat Sharma can adopt principles of Gandhiji why not we. Why not Congress Party leaders?"
He said "Our channel is the first that made a survey on whether Congress leaders kills mosquitoes or not. 100% leaders said in public that they let all mosquitoes sit on their parts of body exposed to air and light. They also ask mosquitoes to sting hard and let the blood come out of it. However, in private all of them confirmed that they use a tight slap on the mosquito. Now it is my question whether the public should elect these hypocrite leaders."

Government produced numbers on deaths from clinical trials, says it is less than that of NDA time

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 3 January 2013 | Posted in , , , ,

Reacting to the Supreme Court's slap on Thursday on failure to stop illegal clinical trials of untested drugs by multinational companies, UPA Government said that the apex court has to see the government in good context and judge it by the deliverables. The report produced by Kapil Sibal said that the UPA government curtailed the death toll from 2,402 at the time of BJP-led NDA rule to 2,397 during 2006-10. (Please check the picture as given in the side box).
"We managed to reduce the death toll by 5 persons and showed that our government is committed to protect the interests of human beings. It was inhumane NDA Government. We have given the statistics in this slide," said Telecom Minister and head spokesperson of the UPA government. Talking to Press Reporters in Delhi, as Health Minister was out of station, Kapil Sibal thrashed out all the allegations made by the apex court.
The court's direction came during the hearing of a public interest litigation (PIL), filed by NGO Swasthya Adhikar Manch, alleging large-scale clinical drug trials across the country by various pharmaceutical firms using Indian citizens as guinea pigs in those tests.
He said "We are aware that the death number out of illegal human trials by multinational pharmaceutical companies was quite high in NDA rule, this time we broke the general notion that we wouldn't follow the practice to preach NDA for its mis-governance or misplay or scams. We actually thought of behaving in different but generous manner and took all the efforts to curtail the death numbers. Those five persons who actually saved because of the government are present here."
Kapil Sibal showed the reporters 5 underweight people who were drinking milk.
"Look at them they are much healthier and now they can even digest milk," said Kapil Sibal.
The government also produced that generally it was a rule to stop illegal human trials. However, Supreme Court thrashed on the government's rules.
"You have slipped into deep slumber. It pains us that children of the country are being uses as guinea pigs by the companies. You do not have even respect of the Parliamentary Committee which has said that the companies are running racket and you are showing just draft rules," the bench said when the Additional Solicitor General Siddhath Luthra contended that Centre is considering to frame rules.
Talking on Supreme Court's statement, Kapil Sibal said "While it is common practice to make trials on human beings rather than rats, pigs, bulls or other creatures in banana republic like us I think there is no need that Supreme Court needs to create an issue. Even I became 'guinea pig' many times. Look at various parts of my body. They gave me so many injections on my hands buttocks and many other parts. Still I am fit and healthy. See we are mango men and we have no choice. They give us and government a good amount of money. So best to let them go and the government is doing its job deaths from illegal clinical trials substantially reduced by 5."

Shashi Tharoor reveals name of all 23 wives and demands divorce law should be named after him

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 2 January 2013 | Posted in , , ,

Adding a new twist to the entire Rape Law naming saga, the Minister of Human Resource Development on Tuesday revealed names of all his 23 hidden and non-hidden wives at one go and demanded that Divorce Law should be named after him for its extensive use. Shashi Tharoor was addressing a press conference in Delhi replying to the questions of reporters over his controversial tweet proposing to name the anti-rape law by the victim's real name.
Shashi Tharoor said "I have 3 open wives while rest unopened, i.e. hidden. I kept them hidden as like the files are hidden in the folder. Now I reveal names of all the wives one by one."
Tharoor started revealing the names each and every wife and stopped after the name of Sunanda Pushkar.
After recalling all the 23 names including his current wife Sunanda Pushkar, Shashi Tharoor said "I still remember the names of all my 23 wives and I told you that in one go. Sunanda is last but the best (Shashi looked in Sunanda's eyes and vice versa with passionate smile). I don't just propose the Rape Law should be named after the victim but the divorce law should get my name. Shashi Tharoor Divorce Act, 2012. Look at my profile nobody has used that law so extensively."
He said "Thanks to Indian Premier League, I now have the great person with me who is my last wife."

New Book Download on Gang Rape Victim

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 1 January 2013 | Posted in , ,

Please download book on Delhi Gang Rape Victim 'Nirbhaya' - Dark Coud Over India

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