Biography of Raj Kundra

Nobody knew him before Shilpa Shetty introduced to common Indians. But this chubby guy with a bit Govinda look a like face is a British Indian businessman who also has interests in cricket and mixed martial arts. That means he puts all the money wherever his interest is. For example, he bought Rajasthan Royals venture because he has interests in cricket. Then his interest expanded to predict the depths of the game, so he started betting and lost some peanuts in betting, according to Delhi Police.

Facts and Figures

Ö         Mummy gave him birth on 9 September 1975, but landed on earth on 22 November 2009 after Shilpa Shetty married with him.

Ö         Main business is moving here and there with Shilpa Shetty.

Ö         His Pappa was working as Bus Conductor in London; Raj Kundra's son's Pappa is Businessman cum Bet Conductor

Ö         According to sources, Kundra has more hundreds wealth than his wife's teeth

Ö         He likes to gift bungalows, mansions and flats to his wives (including first one Kavita) at posh most areas of the world. According to sources, many are 'betting' on his divorces.

Ö         Prestigious son-in-law, Robert Vadra also confirmed that he sets his quick time multi billionaire goals reading Kundra's life story. Vadra said that Raj Kundra made Kundra a turnover of Euro 20 million in the very first year, just from selling shawls. By the way, he had only Euro 2,000 on his credit card.

Ö         His money making performance inspired Dharmesh Darshan to put a dialogue for Suniel Shetty in Shilpa Shetty's movie 'Dhadkan'. 'Mere jeb me sirf 50 paise the jab mein ghar se nikla. Aur fir mein chalta gaya chalta gaya, aur ab mere jeb me 500 crore rupaye hai," said Suniel Shetty in the movie. (Note: Shilpa Shetty confirmed that she is not sister of Suniel Shetty, though looks a bit same.)

Gujarat Chief Minister and unofficial candidate of Prime Minister's post for BJP, Narendra Modi decided to run for 50 kms today, to digest the happiness of by-poll wins by his party in Gujarat.

"I can't stop feeling happy and wants to laugh a loud. We defeated and wound up traces of Congress from Gujarat," said Chief Minister Narendra Modi, laughing impishly.  He started pushups and yoga to stop his laughter, however, still uncontrollable for him and continuously laughing boisterously, noising crudely ho ho ho ho ho ho.  

He said "Oh no I am so happy, how can I express this much happiness. Oh what Advaniji would be thinking (oops… ha ha ha ha ha ha) oh no, I can't stop laughing. Wow, he he he, so funny. Now I have to do something."

Modi started rolling on the floor with laughing loud. "I want to kick my ass strongly. So many people died in one arrow. I can't imagine the faces of Sonia, Rahul, Manmohan and Advaniji. Oh that Shivraj Singh Chouhan, he must be eating his nails."

Looking at Modi rolling on the floors, few officials came to him and tried to control him. Narendra Modi's Personal Assistant (PA) asked him to stay quiet and control himself as he will have to digest many more that kind of good news in future.

However, uncontrollable Modi finally decided to do something to digest this happiness in a better way.

"I am going to run for 50 kms continuously in Gandhinagar, to assimilate my roguish happiness," said Narendra Modi.

Modi told his PA "PA, announce 'Sadbhavana Run Yatra' immediately. Let the world know how strong Modi is."

India's Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh and BJP Senior Leader Lal Krishna Advani finally decided to form their own party in a secret meeting. Both the senior leaders took this extreme step after leaders of their current respective parties annoyed them to the extent of saying that they would never be candidate for PM's post in the next elections.

"Both the leaders secretly met in LK Advani's house for dinner along with their trusted soul mates in the respective parties," said a source that has the direct knowledge of the development.

He said "Dr Singh came with a different get up to not to recognize him by anybody. Also few others 'petty party leaders' accompanied him. After just looking at LK Advani, Singh started crying loudly."

The source confirmed that both the leaders discussed the current situation of politics in India and leadership which is putting the question of candidature for PM on backburner for next elections.

"There should not be any question about that. I have to be announced as the Prime Minister by Madamji," said Manmohan Singh in the meeting. Dr Singh reiterated the fact that he was having experience of 9 consecutive years of staying a great puppet.

"How can she think that Rahul would take my place? I am a good puppet still today. I have all the three qualities (related to smart monkeyji) as mentioned by Mahatma Gandhiji," asked Dr Singh.

Same way, LK Advani confirmed that party has to decide on the PM candidature immediately and his name should be announced as a next PM.

"Boss, I am the most popular secular leader in BJP while these guys pushing Modi as most popular in India. What is more important, most popular leader in BJP or India?" asked LK Advani during the meeting.

He said "Today, even sundry small and fat leader is spitting over my aspiration. I am giving them a guarantee that I will give 10 years of consistent and stable government. But nobody is trying to believe me. Sucks! (Advani cleaned his wet eyes)."

The source said that LK Advani asked Manmohan Singh to stop crying and be powerful enough to form new party to answer these selfish and greedy politicians.

"We will have our new party and we will both become Prime Ministers so that no issue of selfishness would come between us," said LK Advani.

The source confirmed that in a few weeks both the leaders will announce about the formation of party. 

Nafisa Khan (20 February 1988 – 3 June 2013), known to us as Jiah Khan, was a British-Indian actress who appeared in Bollywood movies, started her career with Ram Gopal Varma (RGV). She changed her name to Jiah Khan before making her film debut in Nishabd in 2007. She was mostly known for her role in the 2008 film Ghajini. She made her third and last film appearance in Housefull in 2010. In 2012, she changed her name back to Nafisa Khan.

Facts of Life

¨       Famous for her flop movie (Nishabd) than 2 hits (Housefull and Ghajini)

¨       Amitabh revived his young age just working with her and RGV finished his golden age after producing Nishabd

¨       Last RGV movie which was flopped but watched by at least few people for beautiful Jiah

¨       RGV is still finding a beautiful lady after Jiah for his movies but audience stopped finding any of RGV's movies

¨       She lets us recall Divya Bharti, who took the reason of her death with herself in 1993 (20 years back)

¨       Told us from heaven that suicide is not good solution for the problems

¨       Indian movie audience asked her to comeback, they will watch Nishabd again and again

A jobless man, Pappu Pandey found incessantly commenting, boasting his views on IPL Spot Fixing issue. Pappu is commenting in a great vigor as like he knows everything about the matter and has all the material to discuss on the issue. Pappu has also showed that optimum utilization of time on crap commenting along with searching for a job.

"How can I shut my mouth while the entire nation is discussing on IPL scandals," said Pappu. He said "Focus on job finding instead of discussing on IPL will be selfish and I am not selfish."

According to Pappu, discussion on the nation related issues which include recent IPL Spot Fixing episode will be a real patriotic thing and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to serve the nation.

"Nation is discussing over the monstrous scams in IPL today. It has become a do or die situation for the entire nation and if you think at this time I should focus on job and well to do life style then it is total rubbish," said Pappu.

Pappu has convince d his family that he will give 5% time to job search from his entire internet schedule and rest to serve the nation.

Pappu Pandey, a Delhi based employee from reputed company resigned from his job to avail benefits of food security bill. Food security bill is expected to be passed in the current month in a special session of Parliament. Pappu Pandey relieved after BJP gave its consent for supporting bill on National Food Security Act in the upcoming Parliamentary session.

"I have applied for BPL (below poverty line) category after forgoing my job. I also donated my house to charitable organization (family trust incl. Pappa, Mummy, Uncles, etc.) without taking single rupee. That fulfills criteria for applying for the benefits of Food Security Act," said Pappu Pandey to the India Satire correspondent.

The National Food Security Act, also referred to as the Right to Food Bill, is a proposed act which makes food availability a right for every citizen of India.  Under the Act, poor can purchase 25 kg of rice or wheat per month at Rs 3 per kg.

"I am totally unemployed now and I can't (don't want to) earn my own so I believe that I am eligible to apply for this scheme," said Pappu.

Pappu told that economically he didn't feel sense to work and earn money while almost free food is distributed elsewhere.

"What is the sense? You tell me. Is there any sense to work and hard earn money for food while your neighbor is getting for the free of cost? I think this will be a much better idea. Leave your jobs and apply under food security scheme," said Pappu, suggesting the India Satire correspondent to do the same thing.

Pappu also confirmed that many from his office are also going to leave the job and apply for food security.

"Yes we know that many people are leaving their jobs and applying for BPL category status. That is what we want. We expect from 65% of poor Indians, eligible for food security the number will grow up to 90% in next 5 years, increasing the dependency of the UPA Government to the nation," said an official in the food ministry.

Pappu said "Thanks to UPA Government that our torture work life has ended. I will always vote for UPA Govt. Jai Congress, Jai Rahul Baba, Jai Sonia Aunty and Jai Diggy Chacha."

According to sources, Mahendra Singh Dhoni holds 50% stake in BJP leader Nitin Gadkari's food venture under Purti Group, adding to the discussion on conflict of interest in Cricket. Nitin Gadkari's food venture, named Purti Samosa Khaale Ltd is the largest samosa and vada pav producer in India with 70% of food is consumed by Gadkari himself and rest is supplied to Indian Cricketers during tournaments.

"Purti Samosa Khaale is yet to make commercial entry in Indian markets. Still based on volume, the company is the largest producer of samosa and vada pav India," said a source in direct knowledge of the entire incident.

He said "Contract to supply samosas to Indian players was a major breakthrough for Purti Samosa Khaale which wanted to enter in India's commercial markets. The group head Nitin Gadkari decided to brand its products."

The source also told that Mahendra Singh Dhoni holds 50% stake and a position of Director in the venture. The source confirmed that Gadkari is currently largest consumer of samosas but considering the high customer concentration risk, the company wants to diversify among other consumers of India.

"It wants to reduce Gadkari's share of 70% consumption of samosas to 50% and therefore it approached Dhoni for partnership," revealed the source.

The event is more significant as recently Purti Samosa Khaale signed contracts with 3 important players of Chennai Super Kings for promotion of its samosas in IPL. Players Ben Hilfenhaus, R Ashwin and Murli Vijay are going to promote flagship product "Chatni Samosa" of Purti Samosa Khaale.

"With this Mahendra Singh Dhoni can dominates the selection process of CSK," said the renowned sports journalist, requesting anonymity.

The India Satire's emails to Dhoni, Gadkari were unanswered, but BCCI Joint Secretary Anurag Thakur said "WTF yaar! In the early morning Economic Times called me asking my views on Dhoni's stake in some sports marketing company, now you guys are saying this. Boss, just spare me from this stupidity and go ask Dhoni. Ok we will look into entire episode after Srinivasan come back to his chair."

Few senior cricketers, however, condemn the event. "This is shocking. I don't understand how much the game will go down from here. No one will trust Cricket if people like Dhoni is involved in scandals," said ex-selector and Cricketer Kirti Azaad.

He said "I am amazed that how much this guy (Nitin Gadkari) is hungry of samosas and now he is shifting that habit to Indian cricketers. Unfortunately, that too is supported by senior cricketers like Dhoni."