After getting a lot of appreciation from critics for showing real taste of life to unaware and illiterate Indians, Karan Johar told India Satire correspondent in exclusive interview "That was my dream. Now I am fulfilled and ready to sacrifice my silly body."

Karan Johar said that he never expected such a great and heartwarming response from critics for showing two assholes kissing and cuddling each other.

"Wow, I didn't really think that critics and movie reviewer would melt after watching my creative take on life. I always had a dream of two fucking idiot assholes smooch each others like dogs and pigs and also wanted to show it to poor illiterate Indian audience, which has no taste of same sex romance. I am really thrilled about the response of reviewers. It took hundreds of retakes and thousand times I had to give them practice to make that scene real. Now you can say that my efforts sucked," said great director.

Talking about why he chose Bombay Talkies for fulfilling his weird dream, the director said "I always wanted to show it in my earlier movies. Even I kept provision for such scene in my every movie but our dumbass audience would have never accepted that. Therefore, finally when I got a movie which was produced by some other producer and that too meant for making it a disastrous flop I thought to go with my dream."

Talking about his caste, he said "Actually, the producer of film had very limited budget and therefore was not able to pay for big asses, which I really wanted to take. Even I recommended a big star and I also asked him that I would work for free with that star, creating the most handsome gay couple of India. But that stupid producer refused only for a paltry reason of paying high amount. He thought that the compensation to that big star could be entire budget of the movie. So finally I chose best of the assholes in Indian cinema."

Finally talking about how his movie was related to Bombay Talkies or Indian cinema, Karan said "Who told you that it was related to Bombay Talkies or Indian Hindi cinema. Fuck guys, that was totally unrelated and just because that dumb producer asked me to relate it in some way to Indian cinema, I had to put 2-3 songs from old movies."

Indian political parties and media are conducting extensive studies across the country to find out historical evidences and current trends over how to fool voters ahead of elections. These players are also taking help from independent research agencies to understand changing tastes of Indians.

"Yes! Actually, voter profile is so dynamic that it is difficult to arrive at any conclusion. Yesterday, their demand was something else while now it might have changed dramatically. So fooling these idiots is not that easy and become a big question for all of us," said Senior Congress leader, Digvijay Singh.

Singh said "Fooling can be done by two ways. One is bringing hot topic which is currently discussed by the nation. Second is diverting the attention from the current topic. We think we have mastered in both areas and BJP is far away from us."

Process of Fooling People

Many political parties are taking help from independent research agencies such as AC Nielsen, Tata Strategic Management Group and Sharma Research Institute of Gorakhpur.

"Fooling Indians only on Ram Mandir and religious issue is a bit difficult today. Therefore, we added a flavor of developmental agenda with Narendra Modi," said BJP leader Sushma Swaraj.

However, she still couldn't deny about rising complications over how to fool people.

"See now Congress has played on the cards of corruption in Karnataka. We will play that card across the country but not in Karnataka because fooling Karnataka people from corruption end is not that easy. Elections in different states at different times make things more dynamic and difficult for us," she said.

Different topics occupied space in elections

Largest independent political research agency of Lucknow, Pandey & Tiwari Independent Research said that most of the parties are considering options of using scientific formulae like algorithmic and quant analysis on understanding brains of voters.

"Our esteemed client, Behen Mayawatiji has asked us to find out factors which would be used in election rallies to fix her image as the only savior of the nation and best candidate for Prime Minister. We are judging different areas and apart from her pro-Dalit image trying to give her something super lady kind of ideology," said Dayanand Sharma, CEO of Pandey & Tiwari Independent Research.

"Fooling people is not that easy. Not every time formula like religion or caste will work. Sometimes issues like regional politics, development, corruption and inflation have to be tested," said Yogendra Yadav, politics expert and leader of Aam Aadmi Party.

This time politicians are considering new issues like social media freedom, freedom for watching porn and rising population of rapists.

Experts suggests that next year's general elections will see cut-throat competition between parties over picking up issues that would help them easily fool the people of India.

"90% people vote based on caste and religion what intellectual Markandey Katju told us. He also added that 90% Indians are fools. So based on that theory 81% of Indians can be fooled by using caste & religion factors," said leaders of different political parties unanimously.

Experts also suggest that apart from picking credible issues, political parties with easily diverting the attention from current events also do well in the elections.

Ranks of Political parties with capabilities of diverting attention from real issue

Unaware of the real political games, few Indians still believe that Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi will take India to somewhere from nowhere.

"We are confident that Narendra Modi is the only person whom we were waiting for last 65 years. At least now he would take India somewhere," said Durgaprasad Tiwari who saw India's independence from his eyes.

Reports suggest that few Indians (nos withheld) were still thinking that some guy from some place would come and take Indian top job and will fully change India. These people still innocently believe that there are people who work for nation and not for themselves and change the society. They think that Modi is among those people.

Prominent shop keeper activist, Shankar Joshi said "We think that Modi will bring development with him. He will be revolutionary. He would throw FDI retail out of India. He would make India self sufficient so that no export and no import will be allowed. People would buy only from Mom & Pop grocery shops."

Few others believe that Modi would increase the benefits of globalization for India.

"I think Modi will bring lots and lots of money through foreign direct investment in India. If he becomes Prime Minister, process of FDI in retail will be on fast track," said a senior official of Reliance Retail.

Farmers argued that Modi is the only person who would maintain subsidies while businessmen and industry lobbies said that he was the best suited guy to open up the economy and reduce unnecessary subsidies.

"We certainly are among those people who are optimistic and believe that there are people who are selfless. Modi is such a person so we think he is the best candidate for Prime Minister of India," said a Delhi based social activist.

However, according to Narendra Modi he feels he would become mad if so many different demands come to him.

"Better be 2014 comes a bit late. God knows for what reason I am working and giving so many commitments and thrashing Congress in a big way. Oh no, if the demand of all these few people come true, I will have to sit on Manmohan's throne," said Narendra Modi thinking about his future.

In a very sad event to India, External Affairs Minister Salman Khurshid hospitalised in AIIMS Delhi after he faced a serious digestion problem. The minister could not digest his meal for past 15 days. While the condition of Khurshid is now stable, Doctors asked him to control the binging of Fevicol.

"We found 6 liters of Fevicol in his body which was restraining him from digesting meal," said Dr. Ahuja who is treating Khurshid.

He said "Salman Khurshid used to consume a lot of adhesive on daily basis to improve the relationship with other nations, including neighbor countries. He believes in long-lasting relationship. However, due to his continuous and unrestrained lust for sweet Fevicol he crossed the recommended level for eating adhesives. A Foreign Minister is allowed to consume only 3 liters of Fevicol in 5 years. But this guy is a Rocket he drank double the recommended quantity in just 1 year. Boss, just can't see his underwear over his pant otherwise I would have called him Superman."

According to sources, every foreign minister of India consumes Fevicol (popular adhesive in India) which helps him improving stickiness in the relationship with other nations, particularly with neighboring countries. The sources also told that since joining the office Khurshid was greedier towards the adhesive leading to a serious systemic failure in his body.

 "His stomach was full of unwanted sticky Fevicol and we had to take loads of efforts to remove it. Now his condition is stable," said Doctor.

Khurshid is considered as most neighbor friendly foreign minister. He always tried to improve bilateral ties and focused on long lasting relationship with the nations. Recently he was planning to visit China for improving ties with the neighbor. However, China canceled his visa twice for no reason.

"I want to sit together with China and improve ties with them. I don't concern whether they are in 10-14 kms of Indian boundary. My concern is how to get into long-lasting relationship with them. For that I am ready to book a birth for them in Delhi too," told Salman Khurshid last week in a press conference.

Khurshid earlier used this strategy with Pakistan's Interior Minister Rehman Malik who visited India after Pakistani Military beheaded Indian Jawans and mutilated their bodies. Salman Khurshid met Malik hugged him closely and hanged with him outdoors for a beautiful romantic candlelight dinner.

"Ties are more important than these paltry events. Fevicol helped me to improve the stickiness with these guys. Whenever I meet any guy from other nation I stick my tongue to his tongue and thereafter a long standing and sticky relationships begin with that country," told Khurshid to India Satire Correspondent in the hospital.

Senior Congress leaders accused China over joining hands with Hindu extreme outfits like RSS, conspiring against the UPA Government in 2014 elections. The leaders said that China incursion in India just ahead of elections only point out finger towards RSS and BJP.

"We smell a conspiracy sponsored by RSS in conjunction with China to weaken credibility of UPA Government just ahead of elections. Otherwise, we don't think there was any need for China to take such radical step. However, our approach is crystal clear and our focus is only on improving bilateral ties and long lasting relationship with our neighboring countries," said Manish Tewari, a Congress Spokesperson and Minister in the UPA Government.

He threw light on current events in Indian politics that show government's lame approach over tackling issues with Italy, Maldives, Sri Lanka and Pakistan.

"You can't use our current weak condition to grab our neck. That is a cheating. We may be helpless, dumb and trash in resolving diplomatic problems but that can happen to anybody. You can't suddenly take the help of our opposition parties to weaken us. We know that this kind of effort needs support of terror organizations such as RSS," observed Congress General Secretary Digvijay Singh.

He said "My sources have confirmed that China has joined hands with BJP to put us in uneasy situation."

While the government is still evaluating the impact of China's incursion over the elections in India, it has made clear that efforts of RSS to endanger secularism would not be tolerated.

"We will not tolerate indirect war of RSS and BJP by letting them use China. With grace of Rahul and Soniaji we can fight with any kind of visible and invisible enemy," said some sundry and unknown Congress politician.

In a major effort to prove that some human beings still live in Pakistan, the authorities finally identified a guy who never touched machine gun, pistol or any other weapon in his life. The success has wide significance as today only a senior prosecutor handling the 26/11 Mumbai attack case and Benazir Bhutto assassination case was shot and killed by unidentified gunmen in Islamabad.

"We undertook a nationwide search mission to find out a person who never touched any kind of weapons in his life. After a deep research, we finally found a Karachi based resident Zia Ul Haq who never handled riffle, bomb, pistol or any other weapon. Forget touching any of those weapons, we shocked when he told us that he never heard of these names," said Pakistan Interior Minister, Rehman Malik.

Pakistan was under immense pressure from international lobbies and India to show at least one animal who can be recognized as a human being. The government launched a nationwide search mission using criteria of identifying people who never touched weapons. However, only one person fit to the criteria, which was sufficient to give relief to the government.

Rehman Malik said "This is a big slap on Indian Hukumat's face which always rhetorically said in front of international community that no human beings live in Pakistan. Now with Janaab Zia Ul Haq, I believe that Indian government has got its answer."

China reported a sharp jump in gay growth rate by 22% in the first quarter of 2013, giving a major relief to its slowing economy. Gay growth rate, the parameter that shows an improving lifestyle in the country is at record high levels.

"We are happy that the country is progressing fast and more and more population is taking up gay culture. The country's 2020 vision to make 90% population gay will definitely achieved if we progress at this rate," said Xi Hinua, Human Resource Official of Chinese Government.

He said that consistency in rising gay population will also help the country to reduce population to half by 2050.

"We are on track of reducing our population to half by 2050, as lesbians and gays are not naturally endowed by production facilities. Our Prime Minister and President have already embraced gay culture and have selected their respective partners. Now nation is on fast track to become 100% gay," said Xi.

China has already converted its 50% population to a category called LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual and Transgender) in last one decade to enable itself as most modern and advanced nation and also curtail rising population number. The country announced many measures such as free dating on any KFC and McDonald's restaurant, free world tour to gay couple and government sharing burden of marriage expenditure.

Xi said "This way our population will easily come down below India's population over next 5-10 years. We also believe that India's military will scare of Chinese gay military."