Over excited Shahrukh Khan is under observation of his brain cells, after observing for half an hour released

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 31 May 2012 | Posted in

News in Brief - Bollywood
No needs to worry, it happens in the cases like these - Doctors
After successfully completed 5 year plan to win IPL, Kolkata Knight Rider's (KKR) owner Shahrukh Khan (SRK) has admitted to a mental asylum for a treatment of his brain cells, as doctors feared that a way beyond expected change in brain cells.

"Actually, SRK was over excited of the victory in the final of IPL loosening his grip over tounge and brain and therefore he had to undergo through Continuous Talkative Disease (CTD) which can be handled only by Psychologists," said famous Psychiatrist Arun Sharma from Mumbai.
The syndrome was first identified by SRK's personal doctor Shaikh Janabullah Hasan, when SRK was continuously talking in front of media and giving unrelated statements depicting him that he might be wanted to go for elections in 2014.
Hasan said "I couldn't understand what SRK was exactly up to. First after win instead of talking about he was saying about apologies on the incident in Mumbai. Then he was shockingly dancing with his rival Akshay Kumar, in Bengal with Mamata didi. He was saying something that he was not badshah of cricket, though nobody had really asked him. I also saw him supporting West Bengal government for felicitating ceremony of KKR. Then again he said monkey was off the back. Unexpectedly, he kept mum on the nationwide popular event of nude Poonam Pandey and finally he said that he has realised that he could also fail. I can't really relate any of his statement and really creates confusion. Therefore, I decided to take him to Psychiatrist Dr Arun Sharma, who took him for half an hour in his diagnosis room and revealed that he is undergoing through CTD."
Dr. Arun Sharma said "Yes actually this kind of disease is possible in a normal human being. But first time it was found in an extraordinarily abnormal person who represents many facets of life. I believe SRK will be fine in few days."
While India Satire correspondent could not reach to SRK for his direct remark, sources said that the actor is taking a bit rest and his wife Gauri, slapped a sticky tape on his mouth.
"Yes actually, Gauri bhabhi had to do that as SRK was continuously muttering something like I apologies Shirish Kunder for watching his Tees Maar Khan, I apologies Salman for thinking about his body, I apologies K-Jo for telling lie that he was the only one man in my life, I apologies CSK for defeating, and so on. Finally, bhabhi decided to shut his mouth," said Sajid Khan, a family friend and director of Housefull series. 
It is still to confirm that any other KKR sportsman is going through this disease.
(As suggested by Shash2k2)

Facebook to enter into washing machine market, announces Facebook Washing Machine for social networking savvy ladies

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 30 May 2012 | Posted in

BRIEF NEWS - WORLD, BUSINESS, TECHNOLOGY
Ladies now can access Facebook on washing machines
After getting an immense amount of publicity on the entry in the Smartphone market, Facebook announced that it will launch Smart Washing Machine for social networking savvy ladies by 2014.

The company's chief Mark Zuckerberg said "We will immediately line up the Facebook Washing Machine's launch, after the launch of Facebook Smartphone."
Revealing the need for the washing machine equipped with social networking, Zuckerberg said "Most of the ladies in the world are engaged their 2-3 hours on washing the clothes through their washing machines and really gets difficult to post their statuses on Facebook. Our washing machines will allow them to access Facebook on the machine only. Along with washing and drying the clothes, they can also post their statuses, mention likes, access different pages which support better cleaning of house and washing the clothes, etc. They can also join or make their own pages. It would be as easy as a user accesses Facebook on the internet."
Facebook Washing Machine will have a screen with Facebook loaded and using wi-fi or 3G technology, ladies can access it.
"We shall use Smartphone's screen so that they can easily use the touchscreen mode. For few people who like to type can use QWERTY keypad as well," said Zuckerberg.
Zuckerberg's announcement immediately caught a big amount of eyeballs on the internet. While many Zuckerberg followers immediately clicked on the like button, many critics started criticizing Facebook's move as it is going into unrelated business.
Businessweek covered a story 'A Facebook Washing Machine: Ambitius Leap or Fatal Mistake' while Business Insider said 'Here's why the Facebook Washing Machine Will Be An Absolute Disaster.' Sources said that these critics only replaced word phone with washing machine and circulated similar article due to timely posting requirements.
Few optimistic analysts predicted that entry in the washing machine markets would surely help Facebook shares to get support at near $0.4 to 0.7 levels.
Mark Pinchar, an equity analyst said "I am a bit optimist and wouldn't like to say that Facebook should be traded at zero dollars. I would say the inventory of Facebook's washing machine in year 2014 would be valued at 0.4 to 0.6 dollars per share."

Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook revealed that he didn't want to spend his pocket money on buying Opera

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 29 May 2012 | Posted in

BRIEF NEWS - WORLD, BUSINESS
Zuckerberg posted on his Facebook profile; Facebook users protests, asking for dislike button on the wall
Finally, Mark Zuckerberg revealed that he was not really interested to buy Opera and few more other crap companies out of his own pocket money and therefore he raised it through IPO.

He posted on his Facebook wall "I actually want to reveal that I was not really interested in acquiring junk and crap companies like Opera out of my own pocket money as my Pappa and spouse were very much rational human beings and they told me use other's pockets for these kind of decisions. Therefore I thought raising money through IPO. Sorry for making this announcement just a bit earlier, even before Facebook price touching its real value of zero dollar."
The announcement came after the trading session in the US markets and therefore real impact of the announcement couldn't be judged.
However, the announcement couldn't go well with the finance executives in the US. While most of them were taking good night sleep, few tweeted immediately.
"Facebook sucks, Zuckerberg sucks," tweeted Warren Buffet "God! if I could have sticked to my rule not to invest in IT stocks, the business I never understood."
Earlier, before the announcement the investors broke down the Facebook's wall of 30 and took it to $28 levels, as the company started using IPO money lavishly by planning to buy Opera browsers with no real revenues. Many believe that the stock will now touch $20 immediately and a week target is $0.1 per share, a real value of money spent on building the website.
Richard Toblett, a real equity analyst with sensible command over valuation said "While his own company is not earning a pie he is going after a company that never generated real revenues and sell free products. Next month he will announce f-Phone to compete with i-Phone. Who knows what?"
Few humanitarian organisations, however, lauded Zuckerberg's announcement.
Peter Packer, President of US Humane and Dogs Association (USHDA) said "Zuckerberg showed immense social responsibility by posting it on his Facebook wall before the share price touched to its actual value of zero dollars."
The post was viewed by millions of Facebook user but very few clicked on the like link. Sources said that the investors who made a short sell in the stocks only clicked on the Like button while others agitated and demanded a new dislike button on Facebook.

IIMs to introduce 'Poonam Pandey Technique of Self-Marketing' in its MBA Marketing curriculum

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

BRIEF NEWS - EDUCATION
Poonam Pandey's real life case study can be a real kicker for IIM students to achieve their goals - IIM Professor
All the IIMs jointly decided to include Poonam Pandey's real life case study as a new topic in the Marketing curriculum of MBA students. The topic will improve the self-marketing skills of the students by using various mediums like news media, social media and print media.

"Poonam Pandey's acts are really inspiring. Within a short span of 1 year she has achieved an immense popularity in India. More than 35% time of last 1 year to date, she topped the Google Trends. Her contents were shared most of the times on Twitter and Facebook and great thing is she was one of the hottest celebrities who attracted discussions in the serious and non-idiotic English news channels such as Times Now, NDTV and CNN-IBN," said Prof. Samir K. Barua, Director of IIM, Ahmedabad
He told India Satire correspondent "We were keeping a close track on her activities since she announced that she will be a real luck for Indian Cricket team in World Cup 2011. We also conducted an independent survey with Planman's IIPM which gave us some astonishing results. The survey only suggests one thing that Poonam was a real cream of success in the self-marketing subject."
One faculty from Banaglore IIM without disclosing his name said "All the IIMs had taken collective efforts to gather a study regarding how to enhance self-promotional techniques, in which Poonam Pandey is best. She used a very subjective thing that was emotions of general public and temptations to sell her name and gather followers. This would be a really great addition to our Marketing curriculum."
Prof. Barua told correspondent that the new subject will be added in the name 'Poonam Pandey Self-Marketing and Promotional Techniques'.
India Satire correspondent received a slide of the study from inside sources of institute, revealing the steps that Poonam Pandey follows for public campaigning.
8 steps for successful Self-Marketing/Promotional campaigning

Video of photo shoot of Poonam Pandey's still unavailable making internet users restless

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

BRIEF STORY - BOLLYWOOD
Only curves? Asks ardent followers of Poonam Pandey
While Poonam Pandey's nude photo was available on the internet on various soft porn, porn and news websites, the internet users are becoming restless over the unavailability of the video footage of that photoshoot.

While many websites claimed that they have the video of entire photoshoot showing some more intimate postures of Poonam, the internet users kept cautious stand claiming that they might be morphed with some B-Grade actress with fat tummy.
"The video becomes official and unmorphed when it gets released on Time of India (TOI) website," said a frequent flyer on the TOI website, Nishant. TOI is popular among the young kids to old age people for hot to chill contents.
Deepak Raje an ardent follower of Poonam told India Satire correspondent "WTF yaar! Just till few days we were waiting for something productive at least she will show us some bit of curves since she announced she will be nude after India won the world cup final. But now after IPL we felt so foolish to see her photo. Yucks! only curves no bulge.... That photo is making us continuously restless..."
Few others however, admired the courage of Poonam and are satisfied that Poonam at least showed some curves.
Rajneesh Yadav said "Arey kuch to Poonam ne dikhaya hai... Aakhe taras rahi thi.."
However, he is hopeful of getting a video clip that covered entire photoshoot.
"Yes actually I am frequently visiting few porn sites along with TOI to get some clips of the videos of that hot photoshoot," said Yadav.
The photographer who took the photos said that he is waiting for Poonamji's instructions for releasing that video.
Aspiring actress Rozlyn Khan, however, criticized Poonam Pandey for supporting KKR.
"She wanted to steal the show. It looks so ridiculous to pose a nude for the team that won. See I showed some more bit for a losing team," Rozlyn told India Satire Correspondent.

Microsoft Outlook will ask readers to give read receipt after the reader completes reading entire email

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

BRIEF STORY - BUSINESS
Microsoft plans to shift service from lower IQ levels to higher ones
Finally, Microsoft found the solution for its most idiotic service of 'Read Receipt' in MS Outlook, a famous Email Programme of the company.

While there is a serious bug which is carrying over last many years that the Microsoft's Outlook programme asks reader a 'Read Receipt' before even he opens the email fully and read the message.
"It looks ridiculous. What the hell Microsoft thinks about itself? Such an idiotic programme that asks receipt before even the message was read. It shows low intellectual quotient of Microsoft engineers," said Stephen Jones, a regular user of Microsoft Outlook programme.
Systems Analyst from Microsoft, Marie Punta said "Yea actually that problem was recently observed by Mr. Bill Gates, owner of Microsoft who received some urgent email from US President Barack Obama, yet before opening of the message fully, forget reading the message a pop up came asking 'Read Receipt', which in advertently Mr. Gates had to click to read the entire message."
Punta continued "Mr. Gates was so much irritated that he told all of us to do innovation and start working on MS Office 15 which will be launched with a new version of MS Outlook with an intelligent system that will identify the eyeballs staring at the message and based on the collected data it will send the read receipt to the sender of the mail.

A fan of Rajinikanth stopped wearing banyan on Rajini's personal request

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

BRIEF NEWS

Another extreme touched by Rajinikanth's fan following

After requesting his fan not to contest elections from Pudukottai Assembly constituency, Tamil superstar and India's only real superhero requested another fan to not to wear vest (banyan). The fan, who is also a coconut vendor in Chennai, accepted the request and stopped wearing banyan immediately to go topless.

Development came at the time Rajinikanth was visiting Chennai in the afternoon.

"Rajini Saar's car AC was not working and therefore he just opened the windows while a wave of sun heat came inside," informed Rajinikanth's driver Venkatesha.

Recently, Rajinikanth requested his fan, K Sridhar from Pudukottai district to withdraw the nomination or not to use the name of the fans club or its flag if he wished to go ahead with his decision. Sridhar immediately followed and withdrew his nomination. This was another extreme of Rajinikanth's fan following.

Venkatesha told India Satire correspondent that Rajini told him to stop the car and went to a coconut vendor who was wearing a banyan with neatly belted with a leather belt on his navel row and properly shut the intimate parts with a lungi.

"Rajini Saar saw him and asked his name who told that he was Ramappa," said Venkatesha.

"Rajini Saar told Ramappa that Raamappaah... inna so much of clothes you are wearing and I am feeling heatt out of that. You should not wear such a tight banyan, otherwise you will feel sweaty. I requestt you that you don't wear banyan and remove it from your body," said Venkatesha.

Ramappa immediately removed his banyan to show his fat tummy and made sure that Rajini's eyes will get brighten.


"Raajini Saar izz real godda. He showed so much of care towards me and outta of care only he told me to remove my banyan," said Ramappa. Correspondent said that the development immediately flew to everywhere and all the coconut vendors in Chennai are now topless.

    Blog Archive