Another View: Family Planning Commission announced SRK a Rs10000 prize for slapping Shirish Kunder

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 31 January 2012 | Posted in


Family Planning Commission to use slapgate saga as promotional campaigning

'Hum do hamare do' fame Family Planning Commission of India announced a Rs10000 prize to Shahrukh Khan (SRK) for delievering a superb hit on Shirish Kunder's face. Family Planning Commission asked SRK to come to its office where he will receive a cheque of Rs10000 (no taxes) for initiating a new kind of birth-control process.

Farah Khan told Diggy Chacha Fan Club reporter "This is rediculous how can India's Family Planning Commission use this slap as their promotion campaign. Sounds bulshitting."

However, Family Planning Commission stick to its plan. Girija Sharma, an officer at the commission said "Actually we are not very personal about the entire episode but still after a long time we got something interesting to promote our motta."

She also said "We have approached Arindam Chaudhary's Planman Media to form a proper strategy to build a new promotional campaign."

Salman Khan, a friend of Shirish Kunder said "How would this news matter me... I am still single."


Based on a tweet by Gabbar Singh






Alergy for 'S' among Indians, after Shahrukh's slap on Shirish Kunder's face

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


Fireworks of Rs150Cr on Shirish Kunder's face

This was a tripple 'S' saga; while some people are laughing by looking at slap-a-holic Indians others are trying to understand the resemblance among the three shocking events in a new young India.

A Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) survey of 1251 young couples suggest that 95% of Indians don't want to give their new-born baby a name starting with 'S'.

"First Sukhram, second Sharad Pawar and now Shirish Kunder all have names starting with alphabet 'S' and therefore we terminated our earlier plan to call Sachin to our expected baby," said Hema Pandey, a housewife who voted for the survey.

Astonishing results of the survey came after 100% slaps in public life were observed with people starting names by 'S'.

When we asked Sharad Pawar's reaction to the entire event, he said "After reading in the news papers, I recalled a great assault against me. However, when I came to know this survey of DCFC, I felt it was a mistake of my parents by giving me a name starting with 'S'.

Famous Astrologer Shankar Sinha said "Alphabets matter a lot, S is itself a first word in Slap and therefore it is not a very strange thing that slap gets on the faces whose names start with S."

However, the slap gate survey confirms that both Shahrukh and Shirish Kunder were not promoting their upcoming Ra-one 2 and Joker and it was just a luck that 'S' only faces slap. Though, currently there are exceptions such as Shahrukh himself, Sanjay Dutt, Salman Khan and Sunny Deol, fear of 'S' still remains.
Few inside sources close to Farah Khan told DCFC reporter that Shahrukh wanted to show Shirish Kunder firework of Rs150Cr. Sources said that they saw Shahrukh saying "Yeh dedhsau karod kaa haath hai... uthtaa hai to gaal neeche baithataa hai."


Few others said that Shahrukh put a fizzling bottle of Pepsi in Shirish Kunder's mouth and slapped hard to show how Rs150Cr firework fizzles out.







Dhanush dropped idea to become hero in Bollywood, after brutal humiliation by movie director

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Sunday, 29 January 2012 | Posted in


Filed case against a director for humiliation

Rajinikanth's son-in-law and popular 'Kolavari di' singer Dhanush will not work in Annand Rai's next Bollywood film that's to be produced by Eros. Dhanush filed a case against the director with serious charges of acute physical humiliation and sufferings at the time of screen test.

"We admitted Dhanush in the nearby Lilavati Hospital in a very serious and damaging condition. We have filed an FIR against director and crew members which include the Producer and the Music Director of the film," said Satish Jagdale, Sub-Inspector of Mumbai Police.

Jagdale said "When we took him from the sets in the ambulance van, he was consistently singing 'Kolhapuri Di' which directed us to investigate whether he was brutally beaten by Kolhapuri Chappal. Investigation is still in the initial stages."

Jagdale further added "Now Dhanush's physical situation is improving and we took his statement as well. However, as his English pronunciation was different from typical American or UK English, we are taking help of a Tamil English teacher."

Whether he was the fan of Dhanush, Jagdale said "I am a beat disappointed with Dhanush, when in the Ambulance van we requested him to sing his Kolavari for at least once he just fell unconscious."

Lilavati Hospital's Doctor Ajit Burman said "Dhanush was so shocked with that incidence, whenever he heard the name Rai or Anand, he just used to throw whatever he had in front of him."

Sankar Pandey, ward boy in Lilawati Hospital said that, one of his associates whose name was 'Rai'bahaddur Singh had to go through the fury of Dhanush.

Doctor Burman said "Dhanush has got a serious allergy of the Kolavari Di and we told him to avoid singing that song for next 6 months."

According to a source, Dhanush was selected for a bollywood flick of 'Tanu Weds Manu' fame Annand Rai. While search was going on for a bollywood actress, Dhanush was asked to come on the sets of the movie to learn acting and some Hindi dialogues. However, on the sets Director Annand Rai, who was also a big fan of the singer alongwith his crew members that include Producer and Music Director persistently asked him to sing 'Kolavari Di'.

"Almost for 10 days, Dhanush was fulfilling our request by singing Kolavari di. But yesterday, lusty and ruthless fan of the singer, Annand Rai kept repeating 'Once More' for 6-7 hours, which created a severe allergy in Dhanush' throat and he could not bear the pain and became unconscious. Before his unconsciousness we heard him singing Kollapuri Kollapuri Di," said one of the crew members, who didn't want to identify.

Expert bollywood commentator and over-intellectual, Mahesh Bhatt said "Dhanush is a different animal. Before losing his consciousness, he indicated about a new song in making. I would love to add Kolhapuri Di in my, sorry Vikram Bhatt's new flick. I would like to see Sunny Leone in a Maharashtrian saree, as like Katrina Kaif, dancing on this tune."

Ad-Guru turned writer, Prasoon Joshi said "These days there are rising incidences of actor's humiliation over director by interfering in his work. But, this is something different, on which I can build a story for my next movie."

While Director Annand Rai refused to talk, his personal assistant said that it was a sad moment that Dhanush is in hospital. Rai's PA said "Rai was a great fan of Kolavari Di and there is no conspiracy against Rajini Bhaai. It was just an accident and we really regret about Dhanush's hospitalisation."

"Rajjineee Bhaaeee not know dhis," said Dhanush's bodyguard Appa Mudugula. He added "Butt we shalll tell himm and he willa decided whaattu to do."

"Unnaa Raskalla, my throatta is not inna proper conditiona. Doctora told me not to singa Kollavari di for next 6 monthsa," said humilated and disturbed Dhanush.

When asked him whether he will still going to work with Rai, he said "Appa, Amma, I am nott going to workk with Roy, that Raskalla. I am nott going to work in Bollywoodda."


Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) reporter could not reach to Rajinikanth for his comments, as he was on planet Jupiter for celebration of his friend's birthday. His personal assistant said that there is no advance mobile technology available that can grab signals from Jupiter.






Bhajji switches to Kushti from Cricket, says that was my first love

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 27 January 2012 | Posted in



BCCI offered him to coach Indian spin talent

In a big blow for the Indian Cricket Team, India's greatest Off Spin bowler Harbhajan Singh, popularly called Bhajji have switched to a different sport. He chose to wear wrestling (Kushti) cap rather than again playing for Indian Cricket Team.

"This was shocking news for me. I was thinking Bhajji to appoint as a coach for India's spin bowlers. I thought R Ashwin and Pragyan Ojha will learn a lot under Bhajji's supervision. However, with this decision we have lost a great upcoming coach for spin bowlers," said N. Srinivasan, president of the Board Of Control For Cricket In India (BCCI) heavy heartedly.

BCCI Secretary Sanjay Jagdale said "I would recommend Bhajji to stay connected to cricket team. I don't commit but we may need some assistance from him. Right now, I would recommend him not to use Dusra in Kushti by directly entering into ring but just do some fundoo off-spin by staying as a host."

Expert commentator, Navjot Singh Siddhu said "When a person chews Jarda he doesn't need to wash his mouth and when Bhajji enters Kushti he will never come back to Cricket. Mind Srinivasan mind Jagdale."

Bhajji was all cool in spite of luring offer of becoming coach from the BCCI president. He said "Uski Maanki, I will teach Ashwin and if he doesn't learn I will hit hard on his face. It would be doubly effective than Srisanth. But tell Srinivasan, Ashwin has to come to the ring first to learn some art of cricketing."

Bhajji also told that he had an offer to open India's innings in the One Day International in Australia with an upcoming batsman R Ashwin but he declined by saying that his likes to use his bat freely then it would be a ball or something else.

Geeta Basra, hottest Bollywood heroine said "I am glad that Bhajji finally got some profession of his liking. Just to stay on the top of the Bombay Times, Zoom channel and Page 3 of other newspapers, I also visited the ring where Bhajji was demonstrating his sturdy acting skills."

When Bhajji was asked what he would like to do about his cricketing skills. He said "Bas, ek baar Jatt ko gussa aa jaaye to koi nahi bachtaa… Fighting is my first love and when I fought at Cricket everybody stopped me. Now I would stay with my first love."

In a short interview to Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) reporter and Times Of India (TOI) correspondent, Bhajji gave insights about his likings, his romance and his anger. When both of us asked him will he try wrestling too, he gently said ""Arrey nahin, woh sab apne bas ka nahin. Mike pakad ke baat kar liya, aur public ke saath interact kar liya, bas, itna bahut hai, ring mein jaane ki aur fight karne ki meri koi iccha nahin hai."

However, when TOI correspondent left, Bhajji provided a story to DCFC reporter, he said that replicating the success of Rajpal Yadav (New Heavyweight Wrestling Champion, one and only from Bollywood), he would definitely like to challenge Khalli. He also plans to challenge Rajpal Yadav in the ring.


"I am quite inspired by Rajpal Yadav who showed dust to Khalli in a superb wrestling match and therefore I plan to challenge both these wrestlers," Bhajji said.






Twitter to introduce new font 'Silence' to welcome Manmohan Singh's debut

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 23 January 2012 | Posted in


Silence is the new language for Twitter, as Manmohan Singh joins

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh's office made its debut on popular microblogging site Twitter on Monday. The new media foray by the PMO comes in the wake of TV journalist Pankaj Pachauri taking over as Communications Adviser to the Prime Minister.

However, considering the uneasy situation for Manmohanji who likes to keep his mouth shut, Twitter introduced a new font 'Silence'.

Twitter CEO Dick Costolo said "We understand the problem of Myanmohaynji. He likes to keep it simple and silent (KISS principal) and therefore to honor his entry in the Social networking site, we planned to introduce a new font, 'Silent'. As like shout box Diggy, Myanmohaynji is very much fond of keep everything in his mouth."
TV journo, Pankaj Pachauri confirmed the development. He said "Actually, it will be easy for me as well. I can easily convert Manmohanji's silence into words."

Costolo elaborated the new font 'Silence'. He said "Actually, when the news released that India's Prime Minister joined Twitter community, I started getting calls from investors. They wanted their money back, as Twitter got a least spoken guy and our business is based mostly on a lot of talking people, like Diggyji. Finally, our board decided innovate a new font specially to honor Myanmohaynji and to welcome him on Twitter box."

"The font is based on last 20 year's data of Myamohaynji's selective talks. Our research team found a similar pattern of the answers to all the questions. The pattern is either he gives answer or keeps a mum or diverts the question to Madamji," Costolo added.

"Based on this data we prepared the font which will be used in giving answers if anybody tweets him," Costolo said. "Currently, the font is in process to get an approval from Prime Minister's Office (PMO) and as soon as we get an approval, we shall release it," he added.

About Font - Silent

Font silent recognizes only three types of answers and has only 3 types of alphabets only which include actual silence, forced silence and silence out of diversion of answers. First actual silence will be for the questions which require actual silence (shut the mouth and give wait-n-watch look, as like John Abraham), second forced silence would be the feeds which have to keep unanswered and will be answered after Madamji's office scanned the questions and third symbols indicating that the answers have diverted to Madamji's office. For Font symbols 
please see the images above.

Diggy Chacha informed DCFC reporter "I told Manmohanji that he doesn't need to appoint Pankaj Pachauri, as I am capable of handling 2 twitter accounts. I really like to Twit. But he said that it will damage the reputation of PMO."

Kisan Lal Yadav, a Chain Gutkha eater was happy with the development. He  said "I also like to keep it simple and silent (KISS principal) whenever I insert a full pack of gutkha in my mouth. Jab bhi hum gutkha khaat hai, hum silentwa ho jaat hai. Agar, Twitter aisan silent walaa font laana chaahat hai to hum bhi open karwaane kaa sochat hai."

Many chain Gutkha and Jarda eaters also confirmed that they are very happily willing to open Twitter account.
However, according to Congress sources the development is not that simple as it looks.


"Actually, Congress plans to add a responsibility of Internet watchdog on Mamohanji's shoulder and he will closely watch the all the tweets and facebook messages along with Kapil Sibal," a senior leader of Congress informed.







RBI to issue Rs1500 currency note with Mulayam Singh's picture embossed on it for saluting Mulayamwad

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


India is moving from Gandhiwad to Mulayamwad

Taking inspiration from the slew of measures announced by Samajwadi Party (SP) supremo Mulayam Singh Yadav, India's central bank, the Reserve Bank of India announced printing of Rs1500 note with Mulayam Singh Yadav's photo embossed on it.

"This note will be a real tribute to Mulayamwad that is taking place in India. While Gandhiwad brought freedom to India, Mulayamwad is bringing freedom from money to India and that's why we plan to give him a tribute by printing Rs1500 note with his photo embossed on it," said Deputy Governor of the RBI, Subir Gokarn.
He said "This initiative will include a special package of printing as much as money Mulayam Singh wants to utilise it for freely distributing it to people he is committed. It will reduce the pressure of tight liquidity and high interest rates in the system and will also curb inflation."

The measures include free tablets, laptops, water and revamped quota.

However, the RBI's deputy governor made it clear that only Mulayam Singh Yadav can use the new currency note and is eligible to distribute the notes to Uttar Pradesh people.

"The first batch of Rs500Cr of Rs1500 notes will be reaching to State Bank of India, Lucknow in next 2 days," Gokarn said.

"We have created a seperate account in the name of Mulayam Singh Yadav in all the banks in Uttar Pradesh," he added.

Samajwadi Party welcomed the move. "Yesterday, only we received the blue print of the note which we immediately approved," said Akhilesh Yadav, son of Samajwadi Party (SP) supremo Mulayam (no not soft here) Singh Yadav.

Talking about his father and Mulayamwad, he said "Pappa was always mulayam (soft) by his heart, so it would be aam admi, goondas or even towards Pakistan, his mulayam heart always breathed softly and was the talk for all the party members."

"Softness and strength both are in the name of Mulayamji," said Azam Khan, another soft party member. "Mulayam means silkiness and Singh is a symbol of strength. That's why we planned to start Mulayamwad in our country," he added.

"He is so soft that he offered India to give money to Pakistan to end terrorism when he was Defence Minister. However, his revolutionary idea fell down due to less visionary Indian politicians. We all sensed Mulayamwad that time only and I would be proud to say that 'I am Mulayamwadi'," said Azam Khan.

"Bharat des mein Gandhiwad saun saalose hai per kyaa ukhaad liyaa Congress ne. Mera Mulayamwad saaren des ko aage leke jaayega," said Mulayam Singh in a packed press conference and started the election campaign for Uttar Pradesh.

He also initiated his 2014 campaign and said "Agar hame pure des ne elect kiyaa to sab jagah free me power denge, laptop denge aur tablet denge. Hum soch rahe hai."


When Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) correspondent enquired about the 3600 turn in Mulayam Singh's stand from announcement of banning computers in last election to the announcement of free distribution of laptops and tablets, Akhilesh Yadav said "Actually, Pappa could not handle the computer that time. Pappa was irritated with the strange placement of alphabets (A, B, C, D) on the keyboard and therefore out of irritation he said that he will ban the computer. He was disturbed with the fact that the placement alphabets were not conventional as taught in the schools and was in some gibberish manner. However, after announcement Bill Gates himself called him and parceled a new computer with hindi keyboard especially to Pappa. Before this announcement Microsoft has promised us that it will stop attaching those stupid keyboards."







Indian Government appoints great activist Vinay Rai to pre-screen statements of opposition leaders

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 20 January 2012 | Posted in


Pre-screen all abusive statements of opposition leaders

Reacting to continuous demands of prominent party leaders and a huge proportion India's population, Indian government appointed India's Censorship Crusader, Vinay Rai to pre-screen each and every word of opposition leaders and remove any objectionable, obscene and abusive words.

"The government's step was mostly expected, after Vinay Rai won the first battle against Facebook and Google," said Rajesh Singh, owner of internet expert firm, IntraExpert.

"This is a landmark step from the government, as opposition leaders have lost all the decency and make all the f***ingly abusive statements on the ruling party leaders. I hate breaching of the limits of democracy. Vinay Rai has proven track record in helping banning the firms which put abusive and obscene contents on their websites," said Kapil Sibal (Uncle).

In private chat with Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC), he reported an internal secret as well. He said "This Diggy always sits on my head and asks me to put a fevicol strip on each and every opposition leader as he was the most who faced derogatory statements from them. However, it is difficult to put strip on each and every leader as it would require the force of 120000 officers. Vinay Rai, however, will help us to scan these words."

Talking about the process, Sibal Uncle's secretary said "We actually invented a device based on a theorm that before speaking anything the words come to brain. Here at brain levels the process starts. This device will use best of 3G capabilities and first end will be fitted on opposition leader's head and second will be attached to Vinay Rai's ears. This will be similar like brain-mapping devices. Whenever a thought come to the brain of opposition leader it will go to Vinay Rai for pre-screening. He will check whether it would be a sarcastic content or funny content or abusive content or anything that a leader plans to show something derogatory and will immediately block there and will start a Bhajan or patriotic song in his mind. Incase if device miss the word in the brain, it will detect it on his tounge and immediately voice "kuuuuunnnnnnn" will come along with that word. The process will be comprehensive and will include all the leaders from Gram Panchayats to Member of Parliaments."

When DCFC reporter asked him the keywords, he said "The list is yet to finalize but the words like mental, asylum, zero loss, idiot, stupid, mentor, Rahul Baba, Amul Baby, Diggy Chacha, etc. are banned at first place."

He said "First phase of fitting devices which include MPs and MLAs in currently states where polls are held will be completed in 1-2 months while in 2nd phase by end 2012 we shall cover entire India."

For language related issues "He said we shall equip Mr. Rai with all the languages. He is superb and will learn languages other than Hindi and English in next 4-5 months."

But is this entire process possible? Political Expert, Ram Kisan said "Yea it is possible. I believe it is a good idea, to bring decency in the minds of the leaders but I don't know why the government ignored its own leaders."
But why all this nonsense, Sibal Uncle said "See Vinay Rai convinced us that we are demigods and now as he won the battle for religious gods, his fight will be to save demigods like Government leaders."

A senior party leader said "In a democracy, demigod concept demonstrates trustworthiness of the voters who elected ruling party leaders for 5 years and abusing those leaders is sinful. Therefore, opposition leaders can't complain or criticize government leaders to disrespect the voters of India. Banning such statements would be in a health of the democracy only."

DCFC reporter asked Sibal Uncle whether any foreign government is interested in such a kind of device.
He smiled and said "It is also a great export opportunity. Already Barack Obama and European leaders placed huge orders for these devices while China is also in a fray. We have also sent application for patenting this device.

Voices of appreciation came from Diggy Chacha, Manish Tiwary, Chiddu Uncle, Manmohanji, Rahul Baba and Madamji while all the opposition leaders opposed the development.










Pranab Mukherjee appeals Vodafone to purchase Govt. Bonds of Rs11000Cr to fill up the deficit gap

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


Loss to exchequer left Govt thinking what went wrong and what its crisis managers decided

"The government has lost battle against black money and now it also lost to secure a paltry sum like Vodafone makes us fill shameful," said Guru Ramdev Baba in an attacking statement.


In a landmark judgement, the Supreme Court has set aside the Bombay High Court ruling and asked the Income Tax (I-T) Department to return Rs 2,500 crore deposited by Vodafone International Holdings within two months along with 4% interest.

The apex court also asked its registry to return within four weeks, the bank guarantee of Rs 8,500 crore given by the telecom major.

Reacting to the judgement, Abhishek Manu Singhvi, one of the senior advocates who appeared in the case, said "we are happy with the Supreme Court order. It has minutely gone through the case and come to a conclusion. Irrespective of the result it is a tremendous victory for Indian judicial System"

Now cash strapped government is seriously thinking how can it return the money. "We can't pay the entire sum and will ask bank guarantees from Vodafone," said O P Iyer, a senior official of Central Board of Direct Taxes (CBDT).

"We already are short of collecting the money from India's tax payers who is facing real trouble of inflation, it obviously includes corporate India. Even I avoided paying tax by applying some strange moves," one senior official with CBDT said, requesting an anonymity.

O P Iyer said "Actually for bridging the revenue gap, we thought that collection from Vodafone would help. But now as we lost the case we request Finance Ministry to please provide some money."

However, Finance Ministry Joint Secretary Dr Thomas Mathew told Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) reporter "We can't give money to IT department as we ourselves are cash strapped. When I got call from Iyer, I asked SBI Chairman, Pratip Chaudhuri to draw a cheque of Rs11000Cr and we shall issue them 20 years long term bonds. However, the bank gave useless reply. Chaudhuri said that the bank itself has demanded Rs6000Cr from the government through rights issue and the Indian government has already promised to give them by issuing some other kind of bonds.

He also said that it has huge amount of exposure in the trash companies like Kingfisher Airlines, so please go to RBI or to h..l."

Mathew said "I personally asked Pranabda to call Subbada and ask him to provide Rs11000Cr to return it to Vodafone. Pranabda told me that the RBI itself is facing serious cash crunch and it is of no use."

DCFC reporter contacted Pranabda who was busy in convincing Momota didi on the phone. However, an insider source told DCFC reporter that Pranabda, Salman Khurshid and Kapil Sibal had a serious confidential meeting to discuss the issue and find out the resolutions. He gave us the detailed transcript of the meeting.

Transcript of the meeting:

Sibal Uncle: (Watching a television news channel) What the h..l this f...ing id..t Abhishek Singhvi is saying? He is happy over the loss of Rs11000Cr to our IT department.

Salman Bhaai: I always believed in a golden min but this id..t Singhvi believes in golden mean. Now tell me he already burnt his fingers by representing Dow Chemicals in Bhopal Gas Tragedy and now he is talking this b...s..... How much money this guy have received in terms of fees

Pranabda: Bond koro bokwosh... Itsh me who feelsh the heat alwaysh... Now sherioushly shombody elsh handol that Momota Didi.... sho many onwonted demonds. She ish ashking me to give that bl..dy aviashion FDI detailsh.

Sibal Uncle understood the track was changed and therefore asked Pranabda...

Sibal Uncle: Pranabda we are talking about Vodafone case and the statements of this Abhishek Singhvi is making. Tell me how you will bridge the gap of fiscal deficit.

Pranabda (in an angry tone): That you would have ashk me before preshenting that trash Zero losh theory. Give me entire 2G money of Rs1,76,000Cr, and I will brish the fishkal defishit gap.

Sibal Uncle: Please don't change the track Pranabda. What shall we do with Vodafone?

Salman Bhaai: I recommend stringent laws and regulations for Vodafone. We shall ask them that top brass of 
Vodafone India and Vodafone UK i.e. CEO, MD and Chairman should minority people.

Pranabda: Whot or you toking about? They will remove all the investment and thish losh will increash to more than 1lakh crore rupeesh.

Salman Bhaai: Now I can't think Pranabda.

Pranabda (reacted like something came to his mind): I would call Vodafone CEO and will ashk him to invesht Vodafone'sh money in India'sh Telecom Infrashtructure Taxh Free Bondsh. I will tell him that interesht and capital gainsh would be taxh free for the company and will be repaid after 20 yearsh. How do you feel? (Pranabda asked both the senior leaders, expecting a great reply).

Salman Bhaai (yawning and belshing): Aiyyyiiyyyy.... Burrrrrrr.... Sorry... Good idea but if he doesn't accept?
Pranabda worryingly looked at Sibal Uncle.

Sibal Uncle (Scratching his head): (Giving a mischievous smile) Don't worry, if he doesn't accept, we shall check how much money this Singhvi has received and we shall ask him to pay all Rs11000Cr to Vodafone.
Both Pranabda and Salman Bhaai nodded and the meeting ended.






Apple announces plans to launch iPen after the success of iBooks, student and parent lobbies welcomed the move

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 19 January 2012 | Posted in


iPen will reduce 3-tier headache of students to recall, think and write 

Taking the education world to new heights, Apple Inc unveiled its plans to launch digital pen service called iPen on Thursday when it launched iBooks 2. The initiative aims at revitalizing the world education market which is battered by a lot of laborious work like memorizing, thinking and writing.

"This launch complements the launch of our great initiative iBooks, which was aiming to revitalize the US education market and quicken the adoption of its market-leading iPad. Many students through their different lobbies complained that the iBooks initiative is not much of the use, as it does not provide facilities such as memorize, think and write an answer paper. Therefore, we planned to launch iPen which will have 100 GB memory, 4GB RAM and best of processors to tackle all the problems of the students," said Marketing chief of Apple Inc. Phil Schiller.

"The iPen will have a 4G facility, so that students can try to get all the answers by accessing different websites whenever those answers are not available in the memory of the pen. Students will just have to chew the iPen in their mouth, as they do with normal pen/pencil and tell the instructions. iPen will recognize their voice and will put the question in the best search engines and will provide answer in few seconds. Entire process will take hardly 15-30 seconds," Schiller continued.

But how will iPen understand what exactly will be the answer for any question? Schiller had the answer. He said "iPen is smart enough to recognize the text. Just rewrite the question on the rough paper and after that write the answer on the answer paper. It is a very simple process."

"This is a great revolution," said Pete Thomas, a proud father of his son who doesn't like nasty things like mugging up and writing the answer papers. "I believe problems for many parents will be solved and they would not need to force their children to mug up the books," he said.

"The process will also be very time saving. A 2-3 hour paper can be completed in hardly 30 minutes, so that kids can hang around for some more interesting stuff like playing on their iPads or iPhones. We are also venturing with Sony which will market its Playstation to the students benefited from iPen," said Jonathan Ive, Senior Vice President and Head Industrial Design, Apple.

Students lobby welcomed this innovation of Apple. Charles Scott, President of School Students Association of Philadelphia said "This will reduce a student's headache to memorize boring contents of the text books. Earlier, we all children thought that Apple's iBooks will be sufficient for us to answer. But while actual painstaking job like writing and recalling doesn't get resolved. But the innovation of iPen will help us to solve those issues."
However, teacher lobby opposed straight away to the innovation and asked US government to build strong measures to stop this nonsense.

"This is totally condemnable innovation. If students don't read and memorize and will write with that fucking pen, entire system would collapse. How would we know that he understood something or not? How would he/his parents come to know whether he learnt or not?" asked young teacher Stephy Jones.

However, Apple had the answer. Jonathan Ive said "We plan to launch iHeads and iGogs to resolve those issues as well. iHeads will be an answering machine which will be attached to student's ears and head, a student can listen and understand the entire book. iGogs will be digital specs which will provide real time classroom to the eyes of students. We also plan to launch iGogs for adults to watch movies and video clips."


He further added "We would require many teachers for our iGogs and iHeads initiatives and therefore after Stephy Jones came to us with her protest letter we offered her a job which she willingly accepted."







Times Group requested Kapil Sibal to ban derogatory contents on Arnab Goswami on the internet

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 18 January 2012 | Posted in


Asks for pre-screening for the keyword 'Arnab Goswami', first of its kind in the industry

Times Group requested Kapil Sibal to ban derogatory contents on Arnab Goswami on the internet Irritated with flood of fake news and a lot of derogatory contents on Arnab, Times Group asked Telecom Minister Kapil Sibal to consider pre-screening of the keyword 'Arnab Goswami' in the internet. Pre-screening includes Google, Facebook and other 21 sites which are going to scan by the government.

"We know how much Arnab irritates his audience but this is not the way to express their irritation. If audience has any concern with Arnab they can express in a sophisticated manner rather than using such irritatingly funny words. We can't allow Arnab to become the scapegoat of our worst decision to launch English version of 'Aaj Tak' and 'India TV'," said Vineet Jain, MD of Times of India group.

Afflicted by demeaning statements from Netizens, Editor-in-chief of Times Now, Arnab Goswami is said to be under the attack of depression. A media expert who closely tracks the psychology of news reportes, Pankaj Basu said "I am closely watching Arnab since his birth in the media news report segment. His voice modulation and clarity clearly declined." Basu said "Generally, Loudness of normal adult human voice is about 70 decibels at three feet but for Arnab it was around 170 in normal parlance and at peak hours (called Prime Time in media circle) it increased to 350-370 decibels. However, for past 6 months I saw his voice at peak hours came down to average 250 decibels and 120 in normal parlance."

Arnab's wife confirmed Basu's findings with Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) correspondent. She said "I used to hear his murmuring even from 6-7 feet which is now not possible. His on-screen actions, which became the topic for fun for everybody on the internet now reduced by at least 50%. It is really disturbing, as how much a person can be degraded a group of nasty netizens. Making fun of such a great caliber reporter whose contribution to Indian society is immense is not good." However, she thanked to Times group for raising Arnab's lowering voice in front of the government.

When DCFC reporter asked Arnab how he feels, without completing the question, Arnab started answering "First I would like to tell you that you have only 7 seconds to ask any question. I don't want to talk much over nasty netizens (showing his hand as like Amitabh shows in his action movies). But the thing is whenever I open Google search engine and type my name, I use to see some malevolent and useless contents on my name. I have never seen such kind of contumelious statements for anybody in the world. Even, netizens make less fun of that funny guy Arindam Chaudhuri and many other droll politicians than me. Now-a-days, I stopped searching my own name on Google as like cricketers stopped watching nasty news channels."

Arnab, however, didn't forget to thank Times group MD Vineet Jain "First I want to tell you that Times Now is again the first to raise voices for reporters which are humiliated by wicked netizens. About Vineet, he is really a great guy and besides my exception he always used to support the freedom of netizens. Our Times of India website shows all type of contents from cracking entertainment (hot shoots, videos, etc.) to funny headlines, which is a big proof of his support to internet autonomy."


DCFC reporter when contacted to Kapil Sibal, he said "What the hell! What do you expect me to talk on this f...ing letter? I don't have time to remove his content. Already, so many people are behind me to remove their contents which include Diggy, Rahul Baba, Madamji and me. I don't want to get into all these crap. Law will do its work and I will take rest a bit. I urge netizens to keep kind and sophisticated approach and don't use f…ing derogatory language."





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