"I have proof RSS is behind you, Anna," Diggy Chacha roared again

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 12 October 2011 | Posted in


The most intelligent person in the universe and source of Rahul Baba's intelligence, Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) roared again at Annaji Hazare. "I respect you a lot. Still I have proof RSS is behind you," Diggy Chacha said.

"Diggyji has strong brain muscles and they can't compare with any creature in the earth. Last time I saw these muscles in the brain of Jadoo. However, Diggyji's muscles are more developed than any creature inside the earth or outside the earth," said a famous psychologist in USA requesting anonymity as he will face a big time crowd to his hospital. "Therefore his ability to take challenges and fulfil promises is much bigger than any normal human being," he added.

"Yea that is true. Diggyji is always focusing on achieving targets. Now they found out the real proof for his statement that RSS is behind Anna. Most important thing is RSS itself disclosed the proof in front of Diggyji," said a proud supporter of Diggy Chacha.

"Mohan Bhagwat, RSS' head and Govindacharya themselves came to me and confessed heavyheartedly that they support the conspiracy that Annaji (I respect him a lot) created against patriot Congress Party," said Diggy Chacha. Mohan told me that he said in Dussehra address in Nagpur that he supported Annaji's fast while Govindacharya also said same thing. Now you can't hide behind any place. Though I respect Annaji a lot, I will not let him go as taking support from a terror organisation," Diggy Chacha said in a brief conversation with DCFC reporter.

He said "Even Sangh's spokesman Ram Madhav had come to Annaji's dais and had extended his support? During the conclusion of your programme at the Ramlila grounds, special mention was made of the RSS and BJP chief Nitin Gadkari while extending thanks. In such a backdrop, he says that he is not aware the Sangh has extended support, raises questions about Annaji's credibility. However, I respect him a lot."

Diggy Chacha innocently asked Annaji "My simple question to you is that while conducting such a huge nation-wide campaign, are you not aware which organisations are supporting you and do you still want to go ahead by taking their support?"


When DCFC reporter asked Diggy Chacha about his findings, he said "This kind of work takes a lot of energy and time. But it is small thing for me. So much of data finding, number crunching. I don't think even world strangest creature Rajini or Ghajini can do whatever I did. However, I am satisfied as I exposed Annaji's conspiracy. I exposed him. I still respect Annaji but he is a mask of India's terror organisation."

Rahul Baba ate in the house of villager in Jhansi and slept inside a school building

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 11 October 2011 | Posted in


Rahul Gandhi (Rahul Baba), India's most desirable and future Prime Minister who is under the mentorship of great intellectual in the universe Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) has added one more feather in his cap. He had dinner at the house of a villager in Jhansi and slept inside a school building.

"It was very irritating experience. A lot of mosquitos and insects suck our blood which is not recoverable," said one security guy of Rahul Baba. "He should avoid such trips which are very dangerous for the life of his security people," he added.

"Rahul Baba ne hamaar ghar me khaana khaaya (Rahul Baba ate at my place)," said a villager Kunjilal. "Wo hame bole bhi ki hamaar patle hone ka raaj isi khaane me chupaa hai (He said that my secret of my slim and trim body is my eating habit). Aap ne achchi aadat dal ke rakhi hai kam khaana khane ki (You have a good habit of eating less)," Kunjilal continued.

"Yea that is true, Rahul Baba is facing some digestion related problems due to excess eating. Therefore, eating at Kunjilal like people and arranging padyatras help him to put control on his weight," said a political expert requesting anonymity.

"I had a dinner at aam-aadmi's house. He is not just aam-aadmi but also villager and dalit as well," said Rahul Baba. "I feel good after sleeping on the couch in the School building. It was flat surface which also helped me to digest that heavy and oily food of Kunjilal," he added.

"These people generally eat less and always conscious about their diet. No fatty and excess food so that they control their weight. I would like to discuss my findings with Diggy Chacha," Rahul Baba said.

Late in the night, Rahul Gandhi slept at the local primary school building along with Union minister of state Pradeep Jain Aditya and former minister Bihari Lal Arya.

Pradeep Jain Aditya said "Rahul Baba is most deserving candidate of Prime Minister. He knows the pulse of Indian aam-aadmis."


Bihari Lal Arya said "Actually, yesterday night only I told Pradeep Jain Aditya that Rahul Baba is most deserving candidate for the Prime Ministership though he didn't give my reference. It was just a clarification that he might have forgotten to maintain my name. Diggyji, Madamji are you listening?"

David Dhawan plans Diggy Chacha for his next movie after initial success for Rascals

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 10 October 2011 | Posted in


Riding on the success of movie Rascals, funny film maker David Dhawan announced plans Diggy Chacha to offer a lead role in his next movie venture.


"He has a great sense-of-humor and no one can match that. Even I say Govinda also can't match it," David Dhawan said. "In my next venture I am planning him to offer a humorous role and demonstrate all his funny skills in front of audience. It will be a treat to watch," he added.


When DCFC reporter asked him how he understood that Diggy Chacha has a great sense of humor. David Dhawan said "He is the only one politician in India who can make fun and help people laughing. It is a great social work which had been ignored till date. I would like to expose that skill through my light hearted comedy film."

"We are very programmed people and brain muscles are very rigid while very few people have flexibility in thought process and also expressive skills. Diggyji is honored with such skills by God only. He can't just express his thoughts but through funny ways. Therefore Davidji thought about the venture," David's secretary said to DCFC reporter.

One bollywood critic without disclosing his identity said "David's sense-of-humor is deteriorating consistently. Day by day his movies lack humor. They make jokes which are really not capable to make audience laugh. Diggyji's support may help him in a big way to come back to his old glory."

"We are also in talks with few leading foreign wig manufacturers like Follea and Joseph's Wigs to give some natural looks to Diggy Chacha," David Dhawan said with a serious look. "My writers are already started working on a script with a strong role to Diggy Chacha. I will personally visit his residence and will show him my script," he added.

DCFC reporter tried to contact Diggy Chacha for his views on developments. However, due to Hisar by-elections he was busy in press-conferences and was unavailable. Diggy Chacha's supporter threw some light on the development. He said "Yea Diggyji know that David would like to cast him in his next venture. However, Diggyji strongly stands on one condition. The movie should not favor terror organisations like RSS."

"Media misquoted me," Asaramji Bapu

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


India's prominent spiritual leader Asaramji Bapu (this is different Bapu and no relation with Gandhian theory) have been slammed by most intelligent creature in the universe and mentor of future Prime Minister Rahul Baba, Digvijay Singh (popularly known as Diggy Chacha) for calling Rahul Baba as a kid.

"See that was a total nonsense. Diggy Chacha had every right to ask Asaramji Bapu whom he respect a lot to shut his mouth. Under Diggy Chacha, Rahul Baba is grooming up very fast. Further Amul Butter and Kellog's Corn Flakes have all material minerals, fibres, fats and proteins which help him grow at a faster rate. Therefore it was totally a stupid claim of calling him Kid. Further few hopeless websites like DCFC calls him Amul Baby which is also intolerable and under the right to express displeasure," said a strong supporter of Diggy Chacha.

Diggy Chacha earlier said "Asaram Bapu should first decide whether he wants to venture into politics or wants to be known as a religious preacher. A person who belongs to the field of religion should refrain from making such comments. Asaram Bapu should firstly make his intention clear whether he wants to be in politics and fight elections, before that he should not pass such comments and we will openly criticise him."

"Diggyji is considering to file a defamation suit against Bapuji though he respects him a lot. He asked Salman Bhai to give a personal attention," said the supporter.

However, trying to restrict the controversy Bapu's Ashram released a press statement acknowledging the misquotation of the media and said "Asaramji Bapu always call everybody as "Bachcha", which means "kid" to show the great fatherly and godly gesture. It was in the same context that he said Bachcha Rahul Baba will be India's future prime minister. However, media misquoted and said Bapu called Rahul Baba as Kid."


Press release also said that Bapu just wanted to suggest that Rahul Baba should reduce the overall time line of decision making from 8 days to 2-3 days so that efficiency level can be achieved and he will become a really deserving candidate.

"I am truly a global leader, don't have greed like Annaji for Presidentship," Diggy Chacha

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


After a long time of silence, Diggy Chacha took some time out to discuss the current affairs with DCFC reporter and share his thoughts and vision. Nothing was changed except his specs, Diggy Chacha was same visionary, intelligent and argumentative politician. He knows well what the h..l he is talking about. Same purity and same peacefulness was flowing through his tounge. We present the excerpts of his interview. DCFC readers can also read popular interview with Diggy Chacha "Statements I make and Statements I wanted to make".

DCFC Reporter: Thanks for coming here Diggy Chacha. It has been a long time to see you active again. We heard you learnt a course how to conserve energies between these days.

Diggy Chacha: Thanks. I like DCFC as it presents the facts particularly which I presented without any twists or manipulation. It clearly writes what is in my mind.

About course, as you are aware I am the most intelligent person in the universe I don't require to join any kind of course. However, society and people are the core things in my mind and as a human being in this birth I felt that I should regather my energies again. So many things I have to face. On so many things I have to talk. Therefore, I joined a crash course called Maun Vrata taught by Saint Peter Ramdev, oh no this is not that thug Ramdev Baba, (Diggy Chacha explained) this is a holy spirit who learnt the idea in Italy. So for some days I was into this course, Madamji only recommended it. The course helped me in rejuvenating all my hidden energies. However, I still stick to my policy to talk less which time to time I discussed with press and media.

(DCFC Note: Maunvrata helps cleaning dust and garbage in the minds and brains of people. Though this was not helpful for Diggy Chacha as he is a pure mind and holy spirit in the realm of the earth, he chose this course to show directions to his followers and other politicians of India to improve their hearts and brains.)

DCFC reporter: So Chacha, what is your view on current affairs?

Diggy Chacha: Which current affair? I track so many affairs these days. Do you know I read Bombay Times, Delhi Times and Jabalpur Times (Page 3 of Times of India). Even I know Rakhiji's offer to Ramdev Baba for marriage and to lose his innocence. But this thug didn't understand the purity of Rakhi's mind and denied it completely. So many affairs I track. Sometime back I came to know that PC is again trying to come in Shahid Kapoor's life. Which current affair you are talking about?

DCFC reporter: No no.. Chacha I was asking about current political affair.

Diggy Chacha: Oops... my mistake (humbleness of Diggy Chacha). After N.D. Tiwari, I heardly know any political affair. Yea, my investigation team is searching for affairs of RSS people.

DCFC reporter: Ok... Now Anna Hazare is trying to create problems for Congress in Hisar elections. What is your view?

Diggy Chacha: I respect Annaji, he is a very kind person but now is used by some terror organisations. This is a total conspiracy of those terror organisations against Congress and India. I still respect Annaji and want to tell Hisar's voters that I also love Annaji and I support his cause to eradicate corruption from India. I was the only person who started movement against corruption from Madhya Pradesh. Voters still remember my way of working with humbleness and complete transperancy and therefore asked me to leave the Political Sanyaas that I took 10 years back and become Chief Minister again. One of the junior members of the Congress Party in Madhya Pradesh told me that his son borned when I took a temporary retirement. However, when I completed my 5 years of Sanyaas, the member's son started asking him when I will see Diggy Dadaji. His son started listening my audio tapes with inspirational quotes and has become my fan as well.

Coming back to Annaji, I feel he is misguided by some Anti-Congress forces and therefore he is talking against Congress in Hisar. Don't worry we already considered Hisar as our lost constituency so there will be no positive or negative impact and therefore I haven't sent Rahul Baba to campaign Hisar rally.
DCFC reporter: Arvind Kejriwal said that he will not allow Congress to win from Hisar.
Diggy Chacha: How much this guy talks? So many times I told him to join Saint Peter Ramdev's maun vrata class. Everybody in my party is irritated with him. He doesn't know what to say what not to say.
Now about Hisar, What will he do? See I have done complete research. I asked 100 Congressmen in Hisar who were from all religions and castes. 98% said they don't know Arvind Kejriwal. Further, Hisar is a small constituency so the results are not really important for us.

DCFC reporter: But don't you think Anna's campaign will hurt Congress in a big way?

Diggy Chacha: Annaji is a great personality. I respect him a lot. But he is a mask of all anti-Congress parties. My sources informed me that the BJP intends to put up Hazare as the presidential candidate of all anti-Congress parties which is also anti-national. I am planning for a Viman Yatra (by Aeroplane) to spread the words that Annaji's campaign is anti-national, so I don't think it really matters.

DCFC reporter: Why don't you become President of India?

Diggy Chacha (blushing): I tell you a secret please don't disclose. Sibal told Madamji that Diggy is a most prominent leader and most eligible person for the post of President of India. However, Madamji told him that Diggy is a global leader and deserves not less than Nobel Prize further he is now mentoring Rahul Baba to make a great PM for India. Madamji also felt that it will restrict me from working (talking and talking). I think I have much more potential than just sitting idle on President's chair. My energy level is very high and it was reflected through kickass to Sunil Kumar and slap to an anti-national RSS person. I am truly a global leader, don't have greed like Annaji for Presidentship.  

DCFC reporter: Arvind Kejriwal said some people say we are doing politics. We have been saying from the beginning that we are doing politics. But we don't do party or vote bank politics but politics for the people. What is your view?

Diggy Chacha: See from the first day I was telling you that Team Anna is playing politics. Tell me now what can I say? My sources were as usual correct. I would definitely like Arvind to accompany me in mental asylum.
DCFC reporter: RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat said in his annual Vijayadashmi address on Thursday that RSS workers had participated in the recent movements against corruption.

Diggy Chacha: See, now is there any doubt about my intelligence? I know you always promoted by about my though process and understanding but the world has limited amount of intelligence that is why some times I feel isolated. India is a country where intelligent and innocent people like Suresh Bhaai are called as brainless and put in jail while corrupt people like Arvind Kejriwal who has not paid any rupee to Tax department and Annaji who spent more than Rs2Lakhs on his birthday are roaming comfortably. They also got support from terror organisations but nobody is interested. I am shocked that people thought I was just making tall claims. Now I think Annaji, though I respect him a lot should also accompany me to mental asylum.

DCFC reporter: We respect you a lot Diggy Chacha. So what are your upcoming plans?

Diggy Chacha: Nothing great. Rahul Baba is ready to become Prime Minister so I have to draw a proper plan. He is the first of India's upcoming Prime Ministers who spent a lot of his time with aam aadmi. Yesterday, he sat on a 2-wheeler of one aam aadmi. 2-3 days back he went through a Taxi asking the problems of Taxiwalas. Taxiwalas told him that they are not allowed to spit on the roads which make their lives hell. Rahul Baba assured them that he will try to solve their problems and will buy new spitting boxes attached to their taxi doors. In Metro railway he asked the problems of Railway commuters. Railway commuters told him that the garbage cleaners don't come on time. He said he will talk to higher authorities and Railway minister to confirm that garbage collector will come on time.


Sometime back we had arranged a padyatra for him, he slept in a Dalit's and farmer's house which is a remarkable thing. 1 to 2 years back he digged in a barron land and collected some mud along with few diggers. He also went through Mumbai Local train commuters. So all these arrangements I have to make offering with 100% full proof security. I can't take a sigh of relief till I see Rahul Baba on PM's seat.

Behenji Mayawati announces Rs6000Cr plan; to make special provision for Sandal making factories for job creation

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Sunday, 9 October 2011 | Posted in

With elections to the Uttar Pradesh Assembly less than six months away, Chief Minister Mayawati (Behenji) on Sunday unveiled 484 schemes worth Rs6,035Cr on the death anniversary of BSP founder Kanshi Ram. Interestingly, Behenji provided a major chunk for sandal making factories with tax rebates and huge subsidies.

"I invite all the foreign shoe companies to visit UP and set up sandal making factories. Ladies sandal manufacturing plants will get special allowances," said Behenji. "This will infuse huge foreign direct investment in Uttar Pardes and will create jobs," she added proudly.

"Behenji doesn't like wastage of money. So much of money wasted on Charter Aeroplane to get one pair of sandal from Mumbai," said a spokesperson of BSP requesting anonymity. "She does not want UP ladies and Dalits to deprive of foreign made sandals and shoes. Further special concessions will be granted to foreign branded companies to sell sandals at inexpensive rates. This is totally in line with earlier Indian government who asked Tata to set up cosmetic plant to curb imports of cosmetic from foreign countries," he said.

"Yeh Wikileak ke malik ko tamaacha hai jisne ek dalit ki beti ko bolaa ki mujhe rajya karnaa nahi aata," said Behenji.

One opposition leader said "There is a big scam unveiling. Mayawati will get 2 pairs of special sandals every month for accepting proposals from foreign companies. She has also secured some share in the companies to ensure the consistent flow of sandals."

BSP spokesperson said "This is all rubbish. Behenji has a very big heart and she wants to take advantage of already established UP's leather industry. Further, she does not want to limit her love for different foreign made branded sandals and wants to spread it to all the ladies of UP."


The schemes are meant for water supply, sewerage and drainage projects worth Rs2105.56Cr and Rs2344Cr project for the power sector, which included laying down foundation stones of 26 transmission sub-stations, with a total cost of Rs1766.37Cr. Rest amount will go for sandal making factory.

Part I: Audios of Lokpal Drafting Committee of Team Anna and Government pannel leaked

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


The UPA government will make public the details of its negotiations with Team Anna. In a response to an RTI application, the government agreed to put in the public domain audio recordings of the Joint Drafting Committee (JDC) constituted to draft the Lokpal Bill.

The JDC, comprising five members of Team Anna and an equal number of Cabinet ministers, was formed to finalise the draft of the Lokpal Bill. The Department of Personnel and Training (DoPT) had earlier refused to make these audio tapes public. However, latter for the benefit and well being of Indians it decided to release after proper consultation with Montek Singh Ahluwalia (Monty Uncle) about the overall impact on economic situation of India amid global recession.

Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) has got the leaked copies of those audio tapes.

Participants

UPA:

Union Law Minister Veer Appa Moily, Home Minister P Chidambaram (Chiddu Uncle), Telecom Minister Kapil Sibal (Sibal Uncle), Minister of Minority Affairs Salman Khursheed (Salman Bhaai) and Finance Minister and Chairman of the panel Pranab Mukherjee (Pronobda).

Team Anna:

Anna Hazare, Shanti Bhushan, Prashant Bhushan, Santosh Hegdem and Arvind Kejriwal

Disclaimer: People with weak hearts and brain injuries are not allowed to listen or to read the transcript of these tapes.

Security guy shouted: UPA members and Team Anna players hazir ho!

Pronobda started the meeting

Pronobda: Madamji wosh ondor tremendos pressore becosh of Annaji'sh fost and told osh to go and sholve the problem therefor I wont to add Madamjee'sh name to this lockpoll meeting. Before this panol meeting, Diggy shuggeshted me that we should give Madamjeesh name to hoverall idea. He shuggeshted that name should be Shonia Gondhi Lockpoll Bill Scheme, in short SGLBS.

Salmaan Bhaai: Yea, I think Pranabda is right, what do you think Chiddu.

Chiddu Uncle: Yea true! I appreciate Diggy's presence of mind. He has a vision and whatever he told makes sense. Appa does the law provide any kind of support to the name.

Veer Appa (Appa): Yea It can. By the way, hats off to Diggy. I miss his visionary suggestions in this meeting.

Arvind Kejriwal (irritated): Ok fine, we should first discuss on the contents of the bill rather than the name.

Pronobda: Orey boba... Itsh not happoning. All government schemesh have propor namesh loike Mohotma Gandhi Nashional Rurol Employment Guarontee Act, Jawahorlol Nehru Nashional Orban Renewal Misshon. We shold 
forsht deshoide the name.

Shanti Bhushan (in irritated tone): Ok we are agree for the name, now should I read the first content?

Salmaan Bhaai: Yea read.

Arvind Kejriwal: First; to establish a central government anti-corruption institution called Lokpal, supported by Lokayukta at the state level.

Sibal Uncle: No, no... what the h..l! Already Congress has so many Chief ministers and so few BJP has. We can not accept Lokayukta at the state level. All state anti-corruption agencies would be closed and responsibilities taken over by centralised Lokpal who will report to panel of most intelligent and eminent people headed by me.

Chiddu Uncle: No Sibal, it will be headed by me.

Veer Appa: No no... I know the law, I will head the panel.

Pronobda: Whot! Sho I will remain on onattractive finonsh minishtry. No, thish ish not happoning. I will head.

Sibal Uncle: Ok boss! stop making nonsense statements we shall go to Madamji she will decide. (I have a good jack with Diggy, ha ha ha, he murmured which was also recorded in the tape.). Arvind, what next?

Arvind Kejriwal: PM can be investigated with permission of seven member Lokpal bench.
Veer Appa (with big eyes): Oh no... we should need to consult with Madamji, because she told me that this clause was not included in the Indian Constitution.

Sibal Uncle: Arvind its not feasible as Manmohanji is very decent and soft personality and he does not work without the permission of Madamji. So accepting the above rule will also raise doubt about Madamji. We have a suggestion for you that PM can be investigated by Lokpal after she/he vacates office. So whenever Manmohanji vacates his office and Rahul Baba takes PM's chair, Lokpal can investigate Manmohanji.

Pronobda: Yea thatsh good Shibol. Whot do you think Shalomon.

Salman Bhaai: Yea that is right and it is constitutional as well.

Appa: Salman mind your own business, I am the law minister so I had to make that statement.
Even Madamji will like the point.

Arvind Kejriwal: What the h..l you are talking? We are serious and not kidding.

Pronobda: Whot Orbind you should moind yor tonge and shpeak in a proper way obout the panol that Madamji created. Now go back and we shall diskosh next points in next meeting.
All Team Anna Members left the conference room.

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