DCFC’s new serial - SibalNama Episode-1 – “Invention of Zero Loss Theory”

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 26 July 2011 | Posted in

India's most talented and glamorous minister; Kapil Sibal (Sibal Uncle) is a man of his words (or man with a lot of words like Basanti in Sholay) although nobody takes him seriously he is worthy to be taken very seriously (his supporter said). Sibal Uncle is an inventor of a Zero Loss Theory (no it's not related to Kareena's Zero Figure as he himself has not seen any loss in his own figure) and inventory of many words has shoot his words again.


DCFC finds it grateful to consider him seriously and is starting a serial called "SibalNama". The serial is full of contents of action, drama and emotions. We assure our viewers to enjoy the serial more than a Daily Soap.


We are presenting the first episode of SibalNama.


Episode-1 – "Invention of Zero Loss Theory"


Sibal Uncle knows everything he understands everything and he talks on anything. Considering his strength, Madamji (Soniaji) gave him the best position in ministries where the government could use his strength at optimum levels. It was the position where he doesn't require shutting his mouth (flexibility to shut or not to shut brain).


As a prominent Lawyer his words and expressions are very much restricted in the Courts only. The Law Ministry (most related to Uncle's profession) is very much unglamorous job and also caters to a niche with limited people to listen. Therefore, Uncle was granted a glamorous job of Telecom Minister which had a predecessor like Tamil Movie Hero look alike Great A. Raja, who left the job as some anti-social people conspired against him.


Sibal Uncle who is experience of handling multi-tasks took the responsibility on his shoulders. Madamji and Manji felt that Sibal Uncle was the only person who moves 3600. Uncle took the task on his shoulders happily just like Rani Mukherjee took the task of giving justice to Jessica on her shoulder and promised that he will find out those anti-social elements and will give justice to great A. Raja.


Uncle started a campaign to save Raja (lives in hearts of many poor people) and poor corporate who were going to increase huge competition in India (for which the government gave them subsidy and it was not a scam). In this entire campaign, Uncle added many feathers to his cap (and many prospective clients as well may be for post elections purpose… ha… ha…). One such feather was a Zero Loss theory. When the entire nation was crying over the 2G scam of Rs176,379Cr, estimated by Comptroller and Auditor General (CAG) based on the money collected from 3G licenses, Uncle put his Zero Loss Theory in front of everybody and caught the eyes of the nation for the first time. Sibal Uncle was taken into notice for the first time so seriously that many theories started floating.  


So what is the Zero Loss Theory all about?


In his document, Sibal Uncle said there was no policy flaw and CAG's estimates of revenue losses from under pricing of spectrum were grossly overvalued.


The UPA only followed NDA policies in awarding 2G licences in 2008, Sibal told reporters, describing as "utterly erroneous" CAG Vinod Rai's estimation of Rs1.76 lakh Cr loss in government revenues. He said the CAG had done "grave injustice" to the issue. (Oops… Uncle was too harsh on CAG).


Turning the tables on the NDA, Sibal said in fact, a policy shift from auction of licences to revenue-sharing took place under the NDA, which led to a loss of Rs150,000Cr. However, he didn't say a word that why UPA government followed such erroneous policy of NDA government.


"Why is the BJP not talking about that loss? We are following the National Telecom Policy (NTP) of 1999," Sibal Uncle said.


Explaining how the government made no loss, Sibal Uncle argued: "There is a clause in the licence that each service provider has to pay for spectrum beyond 6.2 MHz. Only, those fees would be decided by the government. However, no decision on that has been taken. So, CAG cannot presume any loss, as the price of the 2G spectrum is not decided."

However, CAG ignored the statement by saying "Once submitted to Parliament, CAG reports are the property of the Public Accounts Committee. No one in CAG can comment on any observations made on the report," a CAG official said.


The BJP lambasted Sibal Uncle "If the entire argument is that there was no loss to the  exchequer, then why did Raja resign," asked party leader Arun Jaitley, adding: "Sibal's entire argument is fallacious. He is just playing with statistics. When spectrum was allotted in 2008, why was it done at 2001 prices?"


CAG's Major Loss Theory invented Zero Loss Theory… saga ended with TRAI's report


CAG's Major Loss Theory

SibalNama Zero Loss Theory

TRAI

Considering the revenue earned during the auction of 3G spectrum, the government lost an est. Rs176000Cr in selling 2G spectrum at a fixed price instead of auctioning it.

3G and 2G spectrum prices cannot be compared as the former is much more efficient and thus, more expensive. Also, 2008 and 2010 prices are not comparable. The presumptive loss by not auctioning 2G is only (?) Rs17,755Cr.

Claims of vendors/service providers that 3G is three times more efficient than 2G can only be right if technological innovations that are available for 2G networks are not adopted. These innovations have resulted into delivery of not only similar capacity of 2G networks as of 3G but even higher.

Government lost Rs36,993Cr in allotting spectrum beyond the start-up quantity of 6.2 MHz.

Telecom regulator is yet to give recommendations on pricing of the extra spectrum. CAG presumes a loss that may not exist.

In 2008, the price paid by new entrants for pan-India UASL licences with 6.2MHz of spectrum was Rs1,658Cr, while now the Trai-determined price for the same spectrum is pegged at Rs10,972.45Cr on a MHz-to-MHz comparison.

The government lost Rs37,154Cr by foregoing revenues from those allotted start-up spectrum of 6.2 MHz, mainly Tata Teleservices and Reliance Communications.

The operators were given only 4.4 MHz. Hence the loss is less (?), around Rs26,367Cr. Also, start-up spectrum has always been given free with licences. Looked that way, there was no loss at all (ha... ha... ha...).

NA

“Madamji once ticked me off, but still I am telling truth,” Diggy Chacha

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 25 July 2011 | Posted in

Ha. Ha. Ha… a sweet but shrewd laugh came from the mouth of the most intelligent man on the earth and Rahul Baba’s Mentor (though he humbly denies), Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) and said “Yes Madamji called me asked not to create mockery on Chidduji.” One of Chacha’s supporters told DCFC reporter that Madamji called Chacha and said “I know everything; it was not required to tell me that he was intellectually arrogant. Say sorry to him and I will give you a chocolate. He is now angry and told Chacha that he was not going to the office. Chacha apologized Chidduji and it was like Ram Bharat milap,” told the supporter while wiping his tearful eyes.

Diggy Chacha said proudly that was the only gag on me. Chacha was in conversation with Karan Thapar on “Devil's Advocate” programme on CNN-IBN. 

In another important disclosure by Chacha, he humbly requested that don’t consider him as an adviser or mentor to Rahul Baba. Asked whether his controversial statements were bringing Rahul Gandhi a bad name as he was Mr. Gandhi's adviser, the AICC general secretary said “Absolutely wrong. I am neither an adviser nor a mentor to Rahul Gandhiji.”

Diggy Chacha under mental trauma; his brother Suresh Kalmadi has “Dementia”

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

In a major twist in CWG scam case, our hero of this blog and Rahul Baba’s Guru (though he humbly deny it) Digvijay Singh’s (Diggy Chacha) brother like Suresh Kalmadi (Suru Uncle) suffers from “Dementia”. Dementia is a strange disease and related to the functionality of brain. According to National Center for Biotechnology Information and U.S. National Library of Medicine Dementia is a loss of brain function that occurs with certain diseases. It affects memory, thinking, language, judgment, and behavior. In simple words, Suru Uncle was mentally not fit for thinking and taking any judgment. He also has a memory loss problems. 

The 66-year-old MP our beloved Suru Uncle (before the development DCFC thought Suru Uncle was was one of the most intelligent persons in India, Please note Diggy Chacha is the most intelligent person in universe) from Pune was recently taken to Lok Narayan Jai Prakash Hospital where an MRI scan was conducted on him. Deputy inspector general of Tihar R N Sharma said dementia at a preliminary stage was mentioned in the medical history submitted to jail authorities by the family members.

Editor’s note - The final report for Suru Uncle’s diagnosis of Dementia is yet to come. DCFC will change its statement accordingly.

As soon as, Diggy Chacha heard the news he opened his eyes to allow tears to flow from his eyes. To avoid any hindrance he removed his specs as well. “He was totally stunned,” said a witness of the emotional scene of Diggy Chacha. Chacha said “See, do you remember just sometime back I said that my beloved brother Suru was innocent. The people, the media and particularly DCFC made mockery of me. But now I can take my brother in front of everybody in the world and will say he is innocent like a kid.” Diggy Chacha said “Suru had this trouble since last 4-5 years and that was the reason why Madamji gave him the position of CWG where there was no work to do.” DCFC reporter asked the witness that then why did Congress chose him as the head of CWG if he had such a severe problem. The party could have rested him. The witness said that the party always favored guaranteed employment (e.g., Rural Employment Guarantee Scheme) and it felt that Suruji could work with taking some rest. Further, Indian sports do not need any mental pressure as there is no requirement of brain to take any decision, ask Mr. KPS Gill. Therefore, party felt that Suruji is the best candidate.

DCFC reporter asked a legal expert what will happen to the case now. The legal experts said "If it (dementia) had settled at the time of offence, it may have a bearing on his culpability. As per the law, a demented person suffers from a global memory loss. If there is a memory loss at the time of the commissioning of the offence, it is not possible to have a fraudulent intention.”

Asked whether this could be used as an alibi by the accused to skirt the trial in the CWG scam, the expert said, "it’s a general trend that people take such recourse. What needs to be established is when the disease has affected him. Only after that one can decide whether it will have bearing on the case or not." The DIG said the advice was for an entire health check-up and not specific to mental illness.
BJP Senior Leader said “Suru had done a wrong thing. On Saturday only we decided Karnataka’s Chief Minister BS Yeddyurappa’s doctors will announce his dementia on Tuesday. We can’t understand how do this news get leaked. However, we shall fight against Suru’s dementia drama. How is it possible for him to do the entire scam while a patient of dementia? How does the Congress party assign such an important position to a dementia patient?”

Few highly emotional comments on web on Suru Uncle’s dementia
One writer had given an interesting insight. He says Diggy Singh "Kalmadiji is innocent. Just like Osamaji, Kasabji, Mullah Omarji, Hafiz Saeedji, Afzal Guruji, Maulana Masood Azarji and all fellow lovely beard men." Kalmadiji's arrest was setup by RSS & VHP

Mr Suresh Kalmadi is reported to be sufferring from dementia, if so why he got his brain checked now and not b4 CWG. His best treatment is to cofiscate his property made by CWG loot, he wd get his memory back. Congress party wd do everything possible to get him free w/o any harm to him. Digvijay Singh has already started the process.

Oh wow.. good one kalmadi ... he would forget anything except for his swiss acc numbers

The whole of India is suffering from dementia. That is why that keep voting in Congress government.

One guy has introduced few interesting terminologies. He said Wow we have ZERO LOSS MINISTER, now MEMORY loss MP better UPA to check how many more LOSS causing ministers exist to the exchequer? Bravo India you been served by great Loss making people

Diggy's comment would be "See I told u. He is innocent. He cannot even remember anything now. Poor chap doesn't know where the money has gone". Kalamadi has set a new benchmark in "escapist politics". Wish the thousands of under-trials in the country are let off with such medical wonders discovered by the l(i)yars (sorry lawyers).

Yesterday, he (Suru) and his lawyer saw the movie Gajini......

“Our ancestors are freedom fighter, what about yours?” challenges Diggy Chacha

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Saturday, 23 July 2011 | Posted in

In an another attack on RSS, World’s most intelligent leader and Rahul Baba’s Guru, Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) challenged RSS "Come out with at least five names of its members who fought the freedom struggle".

The RSS, he said, was engaged in spying for the British during the freedom struggle when freedom fighter Chandrashekhar Azad was fighting against the foreign rule. He was obliquely alluding to the BJP's 'Azad Sandesh Yatra' in Bhabhra where the Chief Minister Shivraj Singh addressed a rally of tribals. However, he didn’t disclose the names who were spying at that time. According to Congress sources, this statement indicated that Diggy Chacha Private Intelligence Bureau (DCPIB) will throw some bomb on RSS regarding pre-independence era in near future.

Diggy Chacha didn’t stop there he gave some emotional touch towards the conversation. He said the party had made immense contributions to protect the nation. Congress leaders like Indira Gandhi and Rajiv Gandhi sacrificed their lives fighting against terror. However, he didn’t throw any light whether the party will stop 1% remaining terror. One opposition party leader said that the party wants to enjoy fruits for a long time or till eternity for what their ancestors did before and after freedom fighting. One psychology professor in Meerut said “People usually live in past. Diggy Chacha is facing same problem.”

The leader asked a strange question “Why only those Hindus connected with RSS are caught in connection with terror.” A BJP leader said why he didn’t answer that why only those Muslims connected with Pakistan, Indian Mujahideen are caught in connection with terror and what was Congress did to prevent them from attacking again.

Chacha in his inspiring speech confirmed as a true Hindu who followed the practice of the religion and blamed the BJP for politicizing the great religion. The statement made a great impact and the Congress party workers cheered a lot getting an understanding that finally which religion to follow. One Congress party worker said actually he was confused whether he was Muslim, OBC, SC or ST. However, after this clarification he is very happy.

Congress releases VCD, blames BJYM for attack on Digvijay

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 22 July 2011 | Posted in

Congress is going through a drastic change. Mostly Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) related topics are tried to solve with a strong proof.

Congress's MP from Ujjain, Prem Chand Guddu released a VCD alleging that it was the Bhartiya Janata Party Yuva Morcha (BJYM) activists who had attacked Diggy Chacha during his visit to Ujjain and Shajapur last Sunday. The MP showed the video footage at a press conference here, Guddu claimed Ujjain BJYM Ujjain Unit President, Dhananjay Sharma, had owned up the attack while talking to the media.


However, Guddu (no not Shahrukh Khan) made a controversial statement "BJP is acting like fascists (general statement taken from Diggy Chacha Word Dictionary) and attempting to crush the rival party's resentment against state government's misrule by this way...Is it not a Bihar culture? The BJP government has not registered any FIR against its own activists," he said. However, Bihar CM Nitish Kumar is yet to give his remarks. 

Congress never bowed down in front of militants said Rahul Baba

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

Hot favorite of media and the most famous political celebrity in India, Diggy Chacha's proud Shishya, Rahul Gandhi (Rahul Baba) attacked on the saffron brigade and advised them to introspect before pointing an accusatory finger.

On a two-day tour to Purvanchal to push the Youth Congress membership drive, Rahul on Thursday told a gathering at Mau "My father and my grandmother were killed by the militants. I very well understand the militants. There are people who make militancy a political agenda but our party never does that," said Rahul Baba.

 

One columnist of DCFC said in reference to the above statement said militancy is not a political agenda but should be on the national agenda of the government as like it should be corruption as well. However, the government seems to be hardly interested. And everybody knows that Baba and even the nation lost precious lives of his father and grandmother but what efforts his government had taken to save the lives of ordinary people of India. Or shall we forget all the attacks on India just because of his emotional talks. He further said "it's really unfortunate that Congress even today don't understand that nation first and their leaders and party next."

 

Baba further slammed the opposition party for releasing three militants Mushtaq Ahmed Zargar, Ahmed Omar Saeed Sheikh and Maulana Masood Azhar in exchange for Indian passengers when militants had hijacked IC 814 Indian Airlines Airbus A300 en route from Tribhuvan International Airport in Kathmandu to Indira Gandhi International Airport (Delhi, India) on December 24, 1999.

 

"They (NDA government) released the deadliest militant from the jail and that militant attacked Mumbai and today those people are lecturing us on militancy. We never bow down in front of anybody as they do. We understand militancy very well and we fight against the militants," said Baba.

 

The columnist said that nobody told you that you bowed down in front of anybody because everybody knows it neither NDA and nor UPA did anything against terrorism.

 

However, Rahul Baba forgot to maintain what the Congress party had done over last few years to stop the terror attack and to pressurize Pakistan to send all the militants and mafias. Also, he didn't maintain the achievements of Manmohan Singh government towards improving India's intelligence (no not Congress' intelligence) and neither had he given the detailed calculation sheet of his statement that Manmohanji had stopped 99% attack. One Congress party spokesman said that Diggy Chacha is working out how the 99% stopped attacks were from Pakistan and 1% that couldn't stopped was of RSS funded.

 

Rahul Baba continued his Digvijay Yatra (no not Diggy Yatra) and again attacked Mayawati scathing criticism of scam and swindling during Mayaraj, which he categorically declared would have brought down the state government in a Congress-ruled state. However, Behenji took the saga seriously and the UP government has requested the Comptroller and Auditor General (CAG) of India to conduct a special financial audit of the programme to understand how do this scam happened which was not tracked over last 4 years? Chief Secretary Anoop Mishra said it would "make the picture clear'' in the matter involving alleged financial irregularities in the implementation of NRHM. "Several things are being said now," he said.

 

The main problem, which the state faced today, Rahul said was corruption duly supported by the government. "Till it was brought under check, UP would continue to be laggard in the development index," he said. However, he ignored the question raised by a media person that Diggy Chacha said Kalmadi and Chavan are innocent as saying the topic is irrelevant here. DCFC reporter asked him the UP government may say that 99% corruption it has already stopped and 1% is remaining. Answering this question, Rahul Baba wittily said "every word, sentence and subject is copyrighted by us and UP government can't use it."

Revitalise Congress and end Chamcha Raj says Congress veterans

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

Congress' deprived and needy community of senior leaders assembled at the Constitution Club on Thursday for a brainstorming (?) session on "how to revitalise" (?) the party. Organised by former union minister (?) and senior leader Aslam Sher Khan, the chintan baithak also deliberated on ways to inspire partymen to strengthen the political system, governance and national values (?). When a DCFC reporter came across with the above mentioned news in a news paper it thought that today is April 1 and the news reporter is fooling everybody. However, checking and rechecking the news had made it clear that it is based on a true event.

Initiating the discussion, Khan said though the Congress is capable of fighting corruption, communalism, it "needs proper guidance and direction".

Former MP JK Jain said: "There are so many general secretaries (?). They hardly interact with the leaders of states, which are under their charge. They don't even seek advice from their bhule bisre (forgotten) leaders….There should be regular interactions and exchanges between us and the general secretaries and the Congress president as well."

Another senior leader Sunil Shastri said: "The Congress party is ill. It needs to be revitalised. We have faith in the leadership of Sonia Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi, but our powerhouse is surrounded by few people and we can not meet them. Sonia Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi should understand that party cannot be run by just one or two people".

The entire event and has raised few serious questions.

Suddenly why all Congress veterans under the leadership of "former" Union Minister met? Why didn't this meeting conduct by an existing Union Minister?

We tried to take the answer from a senior Congress leader (not so deprived and supporter of our favorite Diggy Chacha). Over last 7 odd years, Congress party has shown a tremendous growth (what about nation boss?). However, it didn't able to transform it into Congressman's growth and few people felt that they have left deprived in the middle. Currently, all the existing Union Ministers are happy and satisfied with the love that Congress Party, Madamji and Rahul Baba are giving. These people had a light of hope before the Ministerial expansion; however, they couldn't be named. Therefore, this meeting they had taken. He said that there is no issue until they have tremendous respect and devotion towards Madamji.

Brainstorming/even brain in Congress looks strange word? Please elaborate how and since when does the brainstorming in Congress started?

The Congress leader said we are trying to take a detailed enquiry about the use of particular word as brainstorming is only among Madamji, Manmohanji, Rahul Baba, Diggy Chacha, Chiddu Uncle, Kapil Sibal, Pranab Mukherjee and Salman Khurshid. As soon as Diggy Chacha was informed about the use of this word he put his private intelligence bureau (DCPIB) on a work. He said according to DCPIB actually brainstorming (invented in 1890-95) originally means a severe mental disturbance (check dictionary.com). However, in Congress brainstorming means apart from Madamji nobody will use his/her brains. So DCFC pursued the process of brainstorming in Congress Party High Command, unwillingly the leader said Madamji asks everybody whether is there any problem, all the panelists say "no", then she says ok fine the meeting is over.

The said deprived section of Congress discussed on "how to revitalize". How would it happen? Over last 100 years there is no change, how can they bring any sudden change? The leaders also discussed to strengthen political system, governance and national values which are not a cup-of-tea for the Congress (or say for all parties). How is it possible for the party to adapt new principles suddenly?

The leader said Rahul Baba is already revitalizing the party under the guidance of Diggy Chacha by meeting farmers, young leaders and mining workers and representatives of different castes. Whatever scams our party mates did, Diggy Chacha is willingly answering them (read Kalmadi and Chavan are innocent). Non party scamsters are properly supported by inventor of Zero Loss Theory, Kapil Sibal and Salman Bhai Khurshid. I don't think there is any need to revitalize party. Regarding, strong political system, transparency in governance and national values, Congress party was always aware of. It was the first party to plan to introduce a Bill at party level and Parliament level in 1950 and we are very much hopeful that we shall able to introduce it in 2020, if Indian voters  vote us give clear majority in the next elections.

The section raised question that Madamji and Rahul Baba are surrounded by General Secretaries and leaders and party workers don't have access to them?

The leader said the Congress is a most democratic party in India. It has its working process. Rahul Baba is the most popular celebrity in the world so it's difficult for him to get in touch with everybody. However, he took a lot of effort to be accessible to 99% of party workers and trying to reach to 100%.

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