Karan Johar will strip all his clothes if problems between Shahrukh and Salman Khan resolves

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Tuesday, 29 May 2012 | Posted in

BRIEF NEWS - BOLLYWOOD
Poonam Pandey's latest flick inspired K-Jo's decision
Fanatically fascinated by KKR's win, Karan Johar announced that he will strip all his clothes if the matters between Shahrukh Khan (SRK) and Salman Khan resolves. Sources said that Karan Johar was inspired by Poonam Pandey who recently took a picture in her birthday suit, as committed before KKR's win.

"I am fuc*ed yaar because of the battle between these two machos. It is out of my imagination that I have to live with only one buddy while another is angry. This seems a really badass for me," said Karan Johar, popularly known as K-Jo.
K-Jo earlier worked with both together in a movie called Kuch Kuch Hota hai. However, despite talks that relationships were improving between Salman Khan and Karan Johar, Salman skipped his birth day.
While SRK promised K-Jo to gift him the IPL Cup on his birthday and would try everything to fulfill that promise, remained mum when asked for reuniting bonds with Salman Khan.
K-Jo told India Satire correspondent that while Poonam Pandey is a lady and she can take such a step and become a lucky mascot, why not he.
"I still look young and a treat to watch for many reverse sex or similar sex lovers. Through, this nude picture I will ask them all to pray to the god for creating a bond between these two macho men," said K-Jo.
However, Poonam Pandey, who was real inspiration behind K-Jo's decision was, was kept herself low profile.
"So what, if he wants to get nude in front of viewers and why there is such a big blah-a-ah? There is no need to give so much publicity to his decision on the news papers and its his personal decision so keep it personal only and no need to give popularity," said Poonam Pandey.
While she came to know that K-Jo's decision was inspired from her own nude claims, she said "That's cool! But I haven't heard any offers from him or SRK, till date."
K-Jo's decision however, created a ruckus among bollywood personalities, prominent socialites and many netizens.
Bollywood personality Ram Gopal Varma said "Shit! Ever since his Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, I told he is a dumb a$$ and he is proving it by these kind of idiotic activities. I would like to see nude ghosts and no way he is near to become a ghost and let us leave alone."
Prominent socialite and great fashion designer Manish Malhotra said "Oh shit! K-Jo should not do this to me. He should keep it more private and personal between us rather than exposing the delicate flickets of our lives."
Most of the netizens said that they are heterosexuals and would not be interested in this news or images of K-Jo.
Between there was an offer from BCCI Chief to K-Jo for keeping his mouth shut and don't lead a new ruckus to be created by Ashwin, his son. Sources said that Srinivasan offered a new team, Team Puducherry to K-Jo, for postponing this decision.

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Stray dogs took possession of Chennai’s Chidambaram Stadium immediately post IPL final match

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 28 May 2012 | Posted in


BRIEF NEWS - CRICKET
Asks BCCI to reduce duration of the tournament
Chennai-based stray dogs immediately took possession of M Chidambaram (No he is not related to P Chidambaram) cricket ground which was occupied by BCCI for IPL under tight security for almost two months.

"Yes, we took possession just at 1am after KKR-CSK match as decided earlier with BCCI Chief N Srinivasan," confirmed All India Stray Dog Association (AISDA) President Shera.
"No neither we supported KKR nor CSK as we all think it was a total bullshit," told Shera.
He also confirmed that they had to fight to occupy the place as teams such as KKR was celebrating beyond decided time limit of 12.30pm.
Shera told India Satire correspondent that before beginning of the IPL tournament all the dogs immediately left the place as per the request of BCCI Chief but when time came for human beings they remained stick to that place.
"Human celebrities and few shameless cricketers were still hanging around and finally after an attack by us and when few saw seriously crackling bites from me and my colleagues, they left the ground," said Shera.
Tommy, a dog who just a few months back left his house for sanyas told India Satire correspondent "We actually believe in non violence but few human beings were doing notorious activities like one guy just slapped my friend, Moti and abused him calling ma**d and bhe**d, so instead of using ban kind of foolish human activities we just kissed his feet a bit loudly, for which his reaction was very much loud."
According to sources that guy was Shahrukh Khan and he had to face burnt of Chennai's stray dogs. Dogs lobby is also deciding the length of IPL and till when they should allow their place to occupy. "We feel that IPL officials are quite blatant and despite losing popularity of the game and falling TRPs they are conducting this useless event for over a month, which is quite ridiculous and inconvenient for us," said Shera.
While India Satire correspondent tried to reach Srinivasan, he was told that BCCI Chief and owner of Chennai Super Kings was under a serious mental trauma and would hardly be able to speak. However, his secretary told that Srini Saar is recovering fast and seriously considering demands of dogs to reduce the length of the game which at least virtually will help the team to win next year's IPL.


Event book








Shahrukh Khan announced a movie version of final match of IPL

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

TOP STORY - BOLLYWOOD
Movie would help recover Ra-One's losses
Shahrukh Khan (SRK) announced a movie version of IPL's final match that Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) won against Chennai Super Kings (CSK). SRK expects the movie version will be a bigger hit than his earlier Super Hero love story saga – Ra-One. SRK announced his plans in the grand party, after the IPL win.

"Yes, 2012 was a very bad year for me. However, it seems now I am recovering from that notorious phase. Erstwhile known for its dubious performance, KKR is now a big win. I want to release a movie on this win," said SRK in the party.
He said "This will not be an idiotic venture as like Ra-one and would have some serious theme like Chakde!"
However, according to sources, SRK was a bit on the top after having a bit of som ras (no relation to aam ras). But SRK's close friends told that he was serious about the film.
"I myself will direct this movie," said Karan Johar (K-Jo), SRK's buddy who is also a lucky mascot for SRK. SRK did My Name is Khan a mega blockbuster with him.
He said with wet eyes "SRK promised me on my birthday before leaving to the match that if KKR wins then he would be the person who directs a movie on the final match. He told me who else will direct it otherwise."
SRK will perform as Manvinder Bisla's role who came from a small town called Hisar and steal the show.
"Yea we bought all the rights from Bisla," said K-Jo "However, SRK will act as SRK himself in the movie and not Bisla. The theme will be before the final match with CSK, Gautam Gambhir gets worried on how to perform in the final when SRK comes to him and tells that he himself will take the strike. Though SRK was retired 35 years back from the active cricket, he was still a performer. After several doubts, Gambhir allows SRK to bat and he creates a big century. Out of 191, SRK scores 150 runs."
K-Jo told India Satire correspondent that the movie will be thrilling; it will have romance, emotional dramas, sacrifices of Poonam Pandey who strips for SRK's win and fights with anti-humane Mumbai Security guards.
"There is enough scope to keep few action sequences like Jaipur cigarette saga and punching Mumbai Security guards," said Karan Johar.
K-Jo confirmed that SRK called Poonam Pandey and thanked her for being his luck after India's world cup win. He plans to give a suitable role to her in the movie.
"The songs will be mostly dream songs of Gauri Bhabhi," K-Jo informed "They will be shown in every time out and before any thrilling over."
SRK also approached Farah Khan for the movie choreography, which she humbly accepted. According to sources, this way she saved her wifey husband's (Shirish Kunder) face to get a hard hit.
Shirish Kunder who uses his wife's clip, shampoo and ribbon said that he would really love to see if her wife would get back to SRK's camp.
Sajid khan, bollywood's funniest director approved by most serious director Sajay Leela Bhansali, said'' its great idea as people want only entertainment, who the hell cares about critics. I make movies only for people below IQ 50, and we have millions of such fans."
However a section of bollywood is not happy. A very prominent member of bollywood, who requested to keep his name anonymous told India Satire correspondent "Funny! First he sent all the producer money to Ra-One's gutter now he again wants to lose money. Why doesn't he accept that viewers don't want to see KRK of a big budget movie."
Ganguly also responded saying "If you lose money in buying player like Yusuf Pathan for millions then you have to find such silly way for recovery. Retaining me could have saved much more money."
Sources told that SRK offered Yusuf Pathan a role of spotboy in the movie.
SRK's rival Salman Khan said "I don't watch IPL as I am still to finish the counting of money created by Dabangg. Then I will start Ready and Bodyguard."
Meanwhile Priyanka Chopra tweeted all the best and offered her dates for the lead heroine's role or at least an item number.


(Story was contributed by our special correspondent Jhyap) 

Hockey India approached Manvinder Bisla to lead Indian Hockey Team in Olympics rather than search for place in Team India

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


BRIEF NEWS - SPORTS

Watching his onslaughter of Chennai balling, Hockey India felt he deserves better hockey player than cricketer

An overnight hero, Hisar based Manvinder Bisla who onslaught Chennai Super King's batting has been approached by India's hockey governing body Hockey India to play as a hockey player rather than Cricketer.

"He has immense talent to use hockey stick and create havoc in the minds of other hockey team players," said said sports minister Ajay Maken.

Maken said "I watched his entire inning yesterday and I feel he literally smashed ball like a hockey player smashes by hockey stick. I feel he should be in the team Hockey rather than trying and struggling for Indian Cricket Team."

N Srinivasan, BCCI Chief said "Yea that's good idea but Hockey India should expedite in its decision, as otherwise I was planning to take him in Chennai Super Kings next year."





After Nitin Paranjpe retaining his position, HUL announced launch of Pepsodent toothpaste which will convert white tooth in transparent ones

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in


BRIEF NEWS - BUSINESS, INNOVATION

This interesting product will remove plaque, enamel and every rubbish thing from teeth

Mumbai - Nitin Paranjpe, who is the only CEO in the past two decades to be recommended by the India's largest FMCG company Hindustan Unilever's board for a second stint announced that the company will launch a series of Pepsodent toothpaste which will clean tooth to transparent levels.

HUL is a leading player in the toothpastes along with Colgate India. The company sells its toothpaste varieties under Pepsodent and Close-Up brands. However, after a big bang promotions during last few years the company is now slow in terms of marketing initiatives. Sources said that the company is waiting for Proctor & Gamble, another FMCG major to launch its toothpaste series and fight with Colgate which will weaken its largest competitor in India.

However, denying all such speculations Mr. Paranjpe said "Actually, we were researching a lot in this category. This is lowest penetrated in India and offers huge opportunities. Indians clean their teeth only once a day unlike western countries where people clean their teeth twice a day. For last few years we tried to change this habit of Indians. We let allow Colgate to make rural and urban campaigns so that using their platform and adding some bit of bucks to our marketing we would have sold the toothpastes. However, it seems that Colgate is failed to achieve our target and finally we decided to launch our trump card."

He said "What is the logic in tasting whether your teeth are white, black or yellow by always keeping that useless strip in front of teeth. Even I used Pepsodent toothpaste and that particular strip but couldn't get the required results. For 3 years long my tooth are same colour. So finally I asked our research team to find out such a plaque remover toothpaste which will make teeth more clean and white which could have been recognised without using that hopeless strip. Our research team gave us mind boggling product that directly remove yellowness, whiteness and make teeth so clean that they look transparent."



The company's research official, Sanjeev Bhatia said "Yea all credit goes to me. From the start I directed myself towards such kind of innovation. If a person uses this product the tooth becomes clean gradually removing plaque, enamel and finally everything on the teeth to the levels it become transparent, so there is no need to use that strip at all."

Colgate India, whose toothpaste is recommended by 95% of India's dentists, saw a threat out of this development.

"Yea it's possible, people may switch to this toothpaste. However, right now we can't say what will be our stand," said Mukul Deoras, Chairman of Colgate India.
He thrashed on the critics who say that dentists only recommend Colgate toothpaste to weaken their teeth by increasing the repeat customers and thereby dentist's business.


"That allegation is totally idiotic. Dentists only recommend our toothpaste so that they will make some bit of social work," said Deoras.





Depressed N Srinivasan found drinking Vijay Mallya's Royal Challenge Whisky instead of filter coffee

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Sunday, 27 May 2012 | Posted in


BRIEF NEWS - CRICKET

Announced concrete pitches made by his India Cements from next IPL

Facing triple whammy of slowing cement industry, gay son's public demonstration and losing the crown of IPL, depressed BCCI Chief and owner of Chennai Super Kings N Srinivasan drank Vijay Mallya manufactured Royal Challenge whisky instead of filter coffee, said sources.

"Yes, Srini Saar asked me Royal Challenge whisky and drank neat," said Bar Tender Vijay Krishnan.

"I told him filter coffee was available, as like other bars in Tamil Nadu but he refused coffee and persuaded only upon whisky and that too Royal Challenge," said Krishnan.

Sources said that after losing the match to Kolkata Knight Riders, Srinivasan felt that he was on the same boat of Vijay Mallya, who was earlier poked by him.

"Srini saar offered his apologies to Mallya and said that he was now feeling so much depressed as Mallya is," said a cleaner of Srinivasan's house.

Both have idiot sons, losing teams in IPL despite capabilities and falling businesses.

When India Satire contacted N Srinivasan, his family earlier refused to allow him to meet, as there was a strong hang over in his mind after his team Chennai Super Kings (CSK) lost to Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR). However, after a lot of persuasion Srinivasan gave a brief interview to the correspondent.

"I am feeling like I lost to KRK, oh sorry KKR and not CSK. My cement business is already dwindling out of oversupply slow demand situation. Nobody knows when will Competition Commission will slap a big fine on me for allegation of price cartelization and that idiot Ashwin, who is dumb like Siddharth Mallya, you would not understand how much pain I am feeling," said N Srinivasan with wet eyes.

Talking about his future plans, Srinivasan said "I talked with Mahi (Mahendra Singh Dhoni) that how would be it if we convert all the pitches into concrete pitches made of cement manufactured by India Cements (Srinivasan's cement company). This would provide great kind of pitches to our team and also bailout my own company. However, he asked me when his term was ending with CSK. Nobody understands my problem."

Sources said that after his apologies, broad hearted Vijay Mallya told Srinivasan supplying all kinds and varieties of liquors and added him to a list of honorable socialites who are deserved to get Kingfisher Calendars to make the sadness light.





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