Suspense Blog

DCFC ANNOUNCEMENT: DCFC appointed sex correspondent to track various important developments in sex arena

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 9 February 2012 | Posted in

Rising exposure of sex developments and porn related incidences in India forced Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) to appoint a full time correspondent to track the sex, porn and hardcore entertainment industry. The job scope for the correspondent will be to keep reading news on the Times of India (TOI) and report it to DCFC viewers to get them updated. Today, our Sex Correspondent Fekky Singh will report a slew of new incidences in the Sex world.

TOI is most active news paper which tracks online sex contents in India. Few important key words such as Kim Kardashian, Mulayam Singh Yadav, Karnataka Porngate, Karnataka Ministers, Rakhi Sawant, Sunny Leone and many more are most active in the TOI's online edition. The news paper also has special poll section as showed in the image above. Fekky Singh will scroll through each and every content and will report to our readers.

God requests Sibal Uncle for premature exit from the earth to judge cases of corruption

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Monday, 6 February 2012 | Posted in

God's love to beta Sibal

Poll results: 98% Congressmen said take Sibal away as soon as possible

Impressed by Kapil Sibal's (Sibal Uncle) emotional speech and his nomination in 2G case, God impressed so much that he requested Sibal Uncle for early exit from the earth to join him heaven for judging many pending corruption cases.

"I am so much overwhelmed by beta Kapil's speech that I thought him to make an early exit from the earth and join me in the heaven to resolve all the pending corruption cases which could not be solved on the earth," said God in an interview to Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) reporter.

The development came after Sibal Uncle asked

Subramanian Swamy to move to God for the justice against P Chidambaram (Chiddu Uncle). Sibal Uncle said "The truth can never be hidden. The fact is Chidambaram, who is a valued colleague, we knew all along that he was not responsible in any way either directly or indirectly and that these allegations were being made for political motives. He (Swamy) can appeal in the high court, in the Supreme Court and then in the end, he can appeal to god.

God said "Already, Indian courts are flooded with corruption cases since India's independence and nothing gets resolved in the life of victim or culprit. Son Kapil knows that these cases come to me and I try to solve them. However, now my tiredness makes me search a good candidate for the position of judging these cases."

Angelic Sibal

God was emotional while talking about past-life of Sibal Uncle. He said "Sibal beta was angel (yaksha and gandharvas) in last birth and used to dance and sing in front of me. However, just because of his over talking nature I sent him to the earth to punish human beings for their deeds than irritating me. But now I feel that I have punished human beings a lot. Recently, I studied his working paper, an approach towards 2G case wherein he debunked the claims of Rs1.76 lakh crore loss to government by saying that 'maya is mithya' and therefore Rs1.76 lakh crore is zero only. I like this approach and it would help me resolving all the cases at one go."

God further said "Yesterday night I went to him and asked whether he would come to heaven to send victims to hell and culprits to heaven, he humbly refused the offer and said that he has not fully completed his work and human beings are yet to get fully punished by his bul**hitting. He said that he can't make early exit for the welfare of human beings."

When DCFC reporter asked Sibal Uncle about his meeting with God, he confirmed that.

"However, I didn't want to take any credit that I know God and therefore please don't publish in your blog," said Sibal Uncle.

He humbly said that right now he is here to punish bad human beings like netizens, Subramanian Swamy, Anna Hazare while good people will be blessed under him which include Appu Raja, Chiddu, etc. However, his work is yet to finish.

"I don't like to make idiotic statements as few small leaders like Diggy, Mani and Manish makes, they don't deserve to be rated. That is bizarre punishment while my talks are much superior," said Sibal Uncle who is credited for his contribution to telecom sector by Zero Loss Theory and Interenet by Online Censorship.

He said that he would be here for another 100 years and will complete tasks like clean up internet, clean up brains and clean up many things which are under censored names.

"It is difficult task and support I am getting is stupendous. Few people like Vinay Rai have joined my movement and I am waiting for few more," said Sibal Uncle.

However, DCFC reporter tried to take view of few Congress leaders.

Most honest man, Diggy Chacha made honest but witty comments, he said "I would request God to take him as soon as possible. By copying me and converting in polished language does not make him the most intelligent creature as like me in the universe (Diggy Chacha doesn't consider himself as a human being, he is greater than that). But only thing I feel that God will increase the burden of the heaven."

DCFC conduct a poll of the 1425 Congress leaders, which showed astonishing results. out of 1425, 98% voters suggested God that he should hurry and take Sibal Uncle away as soon as possible while rest 2% said that they were victim of rape that Sibal Uncle made to them by his irritating words and can't think now-a-days but they are very hopeful that when Mulayam Singh Yadav comes to power they will get few government jobs.

Manishankar Aiyer to receive Digvijay Singh Award for his contribution to Indo-Pak peace process

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Saturday, 4 February 2012 | Posted in

At DCFC we were so enthued that we made a demo picture of this event

Manishankar will be first to get newly started peace award in Pakistan

Pakistan identified Manishankar Aiyer as first person to get recently started and most respectable Quaid-e-Azam Mullah Digvijay Singh Award. The award is for his initiation and contribution to Indo-Pakistan peace process and recognizing Pakistan as powerful state.

"Sarkar-e-Azam Manishankar ji is tauba great person. We forgot that the peace starts from home and Maniji's speech gives us confidence that India will stop all the terrorist activities and embrace peace process. That almighty God will give support to his efforts and evil forces in India will slow down," said Umar Haq, a political analyst in Pakistan who is also free lancer to the leading news paper Dawn.

Pakistan in tribute to Osama-bin-Laden's death started this award in the name of Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha) who recognized the priceless peace efforts of Osama-bin-Laden and called him Osamaji.

"Only Amar-e-Gulistan Diggyji in this world gave such a respect to the greatest and most honorable personality," said General Asfaq P Qayani, Pakistani Military Chief.

"Myself I made sure that Gilani should announce the best name for this award. This is the best award in Pakistan. You can call it Noble Prize of Pakistan," Kayani added.

Talking about Manishankar Aiyer's selection about the prize, Kayani said "We earlier thought to give this Mullah Digvijay Singh Award for 2012 by end of this year or early next year in January. However, recent initiations of Maniji forced us to announce the candidate for this award by start of the year. Now as he opened his mouth in year 2012 and now we can't wait to give him a great honour till next year we thought we should give him this award as soon as possible," said Kayani.

Kayani added "Mr. Hafeez Sayeed will be presented to honour the trophy to Maniji."

When DCFC reporter asked Manishankar Aiyer about his reactions, he said "This is honor to me but why I don't know they could have given some better name to the trophy, Digvijay Singh doesn't look good."

However, when the Congress Party leaders came to know the news there were mixed reactions.

Rahul Baba said "Its really good if he is getting that award. I represent to ordinary man in the country and Maniji is ordinary leader, I had some yummy South Indian dishes at his home."

Diggy Chacha said "What the h*ll, where the world is going? Award with my name will go to Manishankar... oh no... how idiotic policy decisions are there in Pakistan. They could have chose to give that award to me first. Mani, who always copy me and translates my words in south Indian accent doesn't deserve."

However, from the orders of Party leaders, every leader was told to shut their mouths including Manishankar Aiyer.

"We would advice him to stay from such heinous elements. He may have his own reasons for this stuff, but then we would like him to stay away from engaging with such elements," said Congress spokesperson Abhishek Manu Singhvi.

Fake News

Irritated with Times of India comments, Sibal Uncle asks TOI owner to pre-screen all the comments from Arnab Goswami

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Friday, 3 February 2012 | Posted in

Pre-screen comments from TOI's online version

There are many things which irritate India's telecom minister Kapil Sibal (Sibal Uncle). These things include social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and Google +, social networking mouths like Digvijay Singh (Diggy Chacha), Manish Tewary and freely availability to make comments on Times of India's online version.

Generally, Sibal Uncle likes to read the comments from the readers which are over his great intellectual judgment and assessment on various shocking, disturbing and intellectually highly intensified situations. He checks all the networking sites which justifies and always use to taste the sweat of his brain's inner understanding and intelligence spelled out of his brain. Sibal Uncle, a person who justifies looks of more mature Albert Einstein through his bald hair and a better version to talkative Mahesh Bhatt, likes to read interesting observations on his studies, research and ideologies at Facebook where he is a member of Kapil Sibal Fan Page, Digvijay Singh Fan Club, Rahul Baba Fan Club. However, few idiotic websites he hardly likes to scroll through, e.g., http://diggychacha.blogspot.com/.

After a demonstration of deep understanding of his 2G knowledge (no not Sonia G, Rahul G) and 3G knowledge (again not Sonia G, Rahul G and Priyanka G) during his press conference over Supreme Court's decision to cancel the 122 licenses with immense amount of brainstorming and great intellectual answers to idiotic and stupidest questions of journalists of India's leading news papers and TV channels, Uncle expected that he would get some treat for his eyes by seeing the observations on his answers came out of immense amount of talent by sweating his brain.

While Kapil Sibal Fan Page yet to update, he planned to search some different sites. He entered the name 'Kapil Sibal' in the Google Search Engine, which instantly gave him a headline '2G scam: SC judgement no indictment of UPA, BJP must apologise to nation for causing huge loss, says Kapil Sibal'. The headline instantly made smile on his face, as the headline was enough to showcase his entire efforts of collecting and researching data.

"Hushh... Thank God, headline is good," Sibal Uncle said, with a deep sigh of relief. Thereafter, he read the entire story again and again making him happy that there was no idiotic comment from the journalist on his earlier, but now forgotten by himself 'Zero Loss Theory'. "Wow that's great, there is no reference of that stupid theory. This journalist seems to have Ghazini's memory. Thank God! (ting ting)," Uncle said.

After a lots of guts, Sibal Uncle scroll down to see the reactions of the readers. However, something which his gutfeeling was talking to him to avoid seeing such comments was true. His eyes grew and smiley face became angry. "What the f*ck! How can they write such shameful and offensive way? These id**ts are writing bul**hit about me. Sharmaaaaa! Give me Vineet Jain's number."

Sharma, his personal assistent who was writing his autobiography in a spare time, run immediately to give him Times of India's chairman Vineet Jain's number.

"Vineet, what the hell these comments are doing on your web page? Don't you have the pre-screening mode in your site? See I want to remove all the idiotic comments ASAP otherwise I would take you on remand," furious Sibal Uncle said.

Frightened Vineet said "But how can I do? It requires huge force to pre-screen the comments and who will take the responsibility to think about the quality comments."

Sibal Uncle said "WTF that Arnab is doing? Call him and give him this job. As it is he is nothing worthy but just asking nonsense questions. Ask him to remove all the comments which abuse me, or Rahul Baba or Madamji, he can keep comments regarding Diggy. I think those will be hardly 10 odd comments out of 600. I don't like using this kind fu*kingly abusive and absurd language with no humbleness is there."

Vineet responded positively and took Arnab to the job to remove the comments. In the evening, relaxed Sibal Uncle again clicked the same link to see some interesting observations on his detailed study of the situation. However, he got another shock this time. All the comments were removed.

"Oh! India lacks real talent and intellect. There is no observation on my studies," he said himself.

Gutkha and Jarda companies battling to rope in Kapil Sibal as their brand ambassador

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Thursday, 2 February 2012 | Posted in

Sibal may earn million dollars because of his habit to chew his own words

It was a very busy day in Manikchand Gutkha's head office. Every senior manager and director was calling to the different ministry and different official to seal the deal. Every officer was trying to get connected directly to Kapil Sibal's office before any other Gutkha or Jarda company reach him.

"We have no time to talk some idiotic news agency like Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC). See if we delay making call to Sibal's office, Goa Gutkha company will use it as an opportunity and sign Kapil Sibal for its next ad," said Mehul Chaurasia, Senior Manager of Manikchand Gutkha, famous among High Class people with high class likes (Unche log Unchi Pasand).

DCFC correspondent still stick for the interview when Chaurasia showed a Peon Ram Kisan Pandey who inserted a bit of Goa gutkha packet in his mouth and started telling the entire story. Pandey said "Boss, ee logwaa Sibal kaa direct connection chaahat hai (These people want direct connection of Kapil Sibal. Hamaar seth Rasiklal Dhariwalji ne bola hai ki u ko bakshis milegi jo Sibal ke saath deal karwaayega (Mr. Dhariwal, owner of Manikchand told employees that anybody who will sign the deal with Kapil Sibal will get prize.)

DCFC correspondent finally got in touch directly with Dhariwal, who after many requests started answering.

"These days Kapil Sibal is getting popular for chewing his words like any chain gutkha eater chews gutkha. Therefore, our research wing said that we should get Sibal to our brand ambassador. This way I think our reach can expand to page-3 polished people, celebrities and politicians. It would give us direct and indirect benefits. Directly we can get big spenders while indirectly people who are not our consumers will know that we can better be treated and tasted," said Dhariwal.

He said "Since, Sharad Pawarji stopped chewing tobacco a long time, we hardly have any good politician to represent ourselves. If we get Kapil Sibal as our brand ambassador we can definitely reach to a segment of polished people and celebrities. We actually want to endorse all of our brands from Kapil Sibal. We are ready to offer win-win deal to Sibal. It would be a millionaire deal for him and we shall also give charges of all our legal pending cases to his office."

A draft of compensation and job details

Job details

· To endorse all Manikchand Brands

· Will have to eat Manikchand brand gutkhas in all the parties and seminars

· If not, at least will have to carry the packets of gutkhas

Compensation

· Million dollar deal (Just put the number and the deal will be signed)

· All legal cases and charges will be shifted to Sibal's office

· 1 year stock of all the products free of cost to Sibal, family and all relatives

When asked why Kapil Sibal, Dhariwal with a smile said "Our tobacco related industry is very alert and generally

tries to find out best faces to represent. We track all political, sports and bollywood events to find out such faces. Yesterday, when I was in a club sitting with Jagidish Prasad Joshi (Goa Gutkha owner), we saw Kapil Sibal's interview in which he chewed his words that there was Zero Loss to the government from allotment of 2G licenses. Both of us stand up from our chairs at a time and told yea... 'here is that guy'. However, we still tried to hide our pleasure but as soon as we reached to our office started exploring how can we sign a deal with Kapil."

An expert, Illyas Badmashi who tracks this industry very closely said "It is not a great surprise that chewing tobacco product industry is trying to get Kapil Sibal as its brand ambassador. It is trying to revive its high class markets and Sibal is great endorser of their brands. 2G licenses is not the only issue where he chewed his words, he also did same thing with internet censorship. First he shocked everybody by telling that net should be banned afterwards he gave a pleasant surprise by chewing his own words by saying it can't be ban. Such a kind of brand ambassador will lead these companies to prosperity."

DCFC reporter tried to contact Mr. Joshi but he was not available for comment. But sources said that he was reaching the office of Kapil Sibal. Few other sources also told the reporter that Jarda barons are also trying hard to get the appointment of Kapil Sibal.

In other development, few NGOs are trying to get approved a new warning banner for the political parties. "Chewing own words is injurious to health".

Behind the Story: SRK, Shirish Kunder patch up

Posted by Diggy Chacha | Wednesday, 1 February 2012 | Posted in

Shahrukh to reject Family Planning Commission's award of Rs10000

Like most of the movies, story between rivalry of two brothers, Shahrukh and Farah Khan, sorry Shirish Kunder ended in a dramatically positive way. Diggy Chacha Fan Club represents the inside story behind the successful patch up between Khan and Tees Maar Khaan.

After the slap gate incidence yesterday, Farah with her hubby along with Sazid Khan and Nadiadwala reached the premises of Shahrukh Khan at Bandra. Sazid and Sazid tried to remove the issues which crop up out of Tees Maar Khaan and Ra-One between the rival duo.

Sazid Khan said "Hey Shahrukh, Shirish must have made some fun on your movie on Twitter but even I witnessed such a painful fun over my movie 'Housefull'. See so much of fun people have made of Hey Baby and Housefull, which indicated me that many people had watched my movies and also inspired me to start working Housefull Part II. See when you give pain to audience for watching such a disaster, you yourself have to agree to such kind of remarks."

He said "Shahrukh, I have seen Shirish from going through mental diabolism and physical digestionabolism after watching the role of expressionless Arjun Rampaul and it was just a frustration which he expressed on Twitter. It was for Arjun Rampaul and not for you."

Shahrukh replied "I am a king, king of bollywood and no one dares to touch my brain. When it gets angry then I don't listen to myself. And his idiotic Tees Maar Khan was not Tees Maar Khan but Tees Machchar Maar Khan." All the participants, except Shirish started laughing as there was a laughing gas emitted.

Gauri Khan, wife of SRK trying to patch up said "See Shahrukh, its better to have a friend like Farah than Piggy Chopp (She muttered 'I would like to chop like tak-tak-tak') otherwise I have many admirers who say I am hot."

SRK stared at Gauri with amazement as who that stupid guy was who told her that she is hot. For some time SRK thought about KRK's name whether he told or what. Smiled and murmured "... Funny!"

Now it was a turn of Farah Khan, who said "Shahrukh just spare Shirish, as you have already saved working in Tees Maar Khaan and also rejected his idiotic Joker. So I think it would be better to forget all the issues here only. And please reject that notorious 10000 rupees award from Family Planning Commission for slapping Shirish."

Shirish finally broke his silence. He said "Hey Shahrukh, I would try to restrict my pegs upto 3 and not move to 4. But I can't help yaar whenever I see you I recall that face of Rampaul's Ra-One which brings me a vomitting like feeling but still I try to improve."

Finally, Gauri made patch up remarks "Hey guys, I have an idea. Why don't let we allow these two buddies watching each other's movies? I would suggest Shirish to watch Ra-One again while SRK will watch Tees Maar Khan and Shahrukh if you have any joke on TMK you can make it."

SRK stared with immense anger at Gauri for suggesting this stupid idea. However, Sazid Khan had different idea. He said "Hey guys now to make everything right we can watch Arjun Rampaul's Housefull."

Shahrukh said "No no... everything is right between us. There is no conflict and there is no need to watch Housefull."

Warren Buffett found watching Rakesh Jhunjhunwala's interview

Posted by Diggy Chacha | | Posted in

Buffet started following Rakesh-style of investing

In a rare revelation, US's biggest bull Warren Buffent found watching the interview of India's biggest bull Rakesh Jhunjhunwala. This was revealed by Buffett's maid who was then cleaning the floors of Buffet's personal room.

"Yes Warren Sir everyday watches interview of some potbelly guy from India on You Tube," said Martha, a sweeper in Warren Buffett's house.

After talking with the maid, Diggy Chacha Fan Club (DCFC) correspondent talked with Warren Buffet who confirmed the trueness of the story and said "Yea that's true. Though I am from highly closed corporate houses, whatever my maid told you is true. I saw this deep belly Indian guy giving interview on television and was struck by his technique of talking, his mantra of investing, so I asked my daughter, Susan to come look at him. Now I never saw myself giving interviews, but I feel that this guy is investing much the same as I used to invest and talk, at least he pretends to interview the same way, and she looked at him on television and said yes, there is a similarity between the two... high compactness, technique, and same way of talking... It all seemed to gel!" [Editor's note: No, Warren Buffett had not copied the text of Sir Don Bradman's interview on Sachin Tendulkar, this is his own speech and copyrighted.]

Warren Buffett said the correspondent that he believed the style of investing of Rakesh matches with his style of investing and style of giving interview is also almost same.

Buffett, however, was saddened to see that Rakesh planned to break free of his-style investing. Buffett said "I was shocked when I saw my ardent follower left my style of investing and for last 1 and half months everyday I am watching that interview twice or thrice a day."

He said "I am not able to digest the food because digestion of this news is completely out of my control."

However, he thanked to his daughter who suggested him a new idea which would allow him to recover fast.

"My lovely daughter, Susan told me to join Rakesh Jhunjhunwala-style of investing and I am plan to strategize Berkshire's portfolio based on the decisions of RARE Enterprises, an organization owned by Rakesh Jhunjhunwala," said Warren Buffet.

When DCFC Reporter contacted Rakesh, he said "Who is Warren Buffett? And if he is following my style of investing then what is the harm. It is good thing. Tell him to come to me to learn some basics of investing."